Fifteen minutes later, I sit at a table on the balcony, drinking coffee
and sampling an enormous amount of food Liam ordered to be sure I had
something I liked to eat. What I like is him bare-chested and relaxed in his
pajama bottoms, with sexy, mussed-up morning hair. And me, in his shirt,
with his scent teasing my nostrils. I have never worn a mans shirt and that
somehow makes wearing his shirt all the more intimate.
I pluck a grape from a basket with a variety of fruits and laugh as he
argues his claim that the Fast & Furious movies are of cultural importance.
And you support this claim how?
The movies were released over the course of a decade. One could
say they are a historical biography of the evolution of muscle cars.
One such as you.
He smiles, and I swear his eyes are as perfect as the bright blue sky
shadowing him. One such as me.
I cover my now-empty plate that once held a fluffy cheese omelet. Is
there a collection of muscle cars to go along with this interest?
No muscle cars in my garage. Too impractical. Ill live vicariously
through the movies.
And here I thought you were a Bentley kind of guy.
Im not a flashy guy.
But you love Fast & Furious.
All men love Fast & Furious.
But you are not all men, Liam.
His shoves his empty plate aside and leans close, his elbow on the
table. And why is that, Amy?
Oh, come on. You know you arent like other guys. Youre a prodigy,
protégé, and billionaire.
If I let those things become who I am, then they are all that I am.
Judge me by who I am outside those things. Who would I be if those things
were suddenly stripped away? A man who loves hamburgers, Fast &
Furious, Thirty Seconds to Mars, and the History Channel, which weve
determined we have in common.
I laugh at the way he sums himself up, charmed by his lack of
arrogance and by the unexpected randomness of his interest. And some
violinist
David Garrett.
David Garrett, I repeat, who you swear will seduce me into loving
his music. All these pieces of you are not what I expected.
Is that good? His voice is softer now, rougher.
Yes. Yes, its good.
Unexpected and good. Much like us.
I suck in a breath, surprised, pleased, warmed by this man in a way
the morning sunshine cannot begin to touch. Yes, I say, sealing my
decision to weed through all the history I have to hide, to have just a few
weeks with this man. Unexpected. So very unexpected.
And good, he prods.
I smile. And good.
His cell phone rings. He grimaces and hits decline, glancing at me and
answering my unasked question. Derek, the guy I was talking to when you
woke up. Hes an investor in the building project and the only reason I
entertained the idea of being involved. He gets me and what I do.
Do you need to go meet with him? Because Im fine if you do.
No. Theyll wait until tomorrow. He changes the subject. Do you
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have a passport?
My unease is instant; a fizzle of fear over his motives sparks into life. I
laugh nervously, feeling as if I have been on a casual fun drive and just got
sideswiped. My travels have been as ambitious as sampling the various
cupcake shops around Manhattan.
He smiles, and it is as devastatingly sexy as his tattoo. Well, almost.
Sweet tooth?
Mammoth-sized, though I dont indulge often or Ill be
mammoth-sized. I sound halfway okay, I think, but all I can think is why did
he ask about the passport?
He lifts the cover of a plate to display some sort of gooey chocolate
waffle concoction. I do, too. He hands me a fork. Ill dare if you will.
I take a fork and my hand trembles. Liam gently shackles my wrist
and I inhale and look at him. Whats wrong, Amy?
I want to scream at my complete inability to mask my emotions with
this man. Ive always handled myself smoothly. Okay, well, after that first
year of melting down. I feel like Im keeping you from work. Lie. Lie. Lie.
You are such a liar.
His eyes narrow and I swear he knows what I am, if not who I am. I
think he will call me on my reply, but he does not. His hand slides away and
he motions to the chocolate goo on the plate. Shall we?
Yes, I breathe out, and I want to know why he asked about a
passportbut at this point, it would be too obvious a question and invite
more from him. I spoon up the sugary treat and take a bite.
Liam does the same, watching me as he tastes the dessert-like
breakfast item. Good?
Yes. Delicious.
Now we have two things on our to-do list, he says, referencing my
confession about list-making Id shared while avoiding other personal
things, like my dead family, both the fake one and the real one.
Two things?
The doctor, he reminds me, and when I should be worried about
the passport reference that seems so bizarre, I instead remember last
night. Until then, Ill be fantasizing about the moment the only thing
wrapped around me is you.
Somehow I am now both warm and cold at the same time. And the
second to-do item?
David Garrett is touring in Europe the rest of the year. Thats why I
asked about the passport. Id like to take to you to a concert. His lips quirk
in that sexy way they do. Hell seduce you with his music and Ill seduce
you in another country.
Tension uncurls inside me, replaced by regret. Not only did he not
have bad intentions, he had romantic ones I dont know if I can accept
without taking the risk that my identity would be scrutinized. As much as I
would like to go, my job is only certain for a few months. I need to look for
something more long-term.
His expression doesnt change, but I sense a sharp shift in his mood, a
heaviness in the air around us that wasnt there seconds before. The boss
who provided you with an apartment.
I bristle, something in his tone setting me on edge. What does that
mean, Liam?
Its not safe to go to work for a guy you dont know and who
provides you with an apartment. Does he have access to it?
My pulse races at the concern that mimics my own. Its my
apartment. He just arranged it with a realtor. I have to pay for it.
He studies me and the seconds feel eternal before he says, There is
something about the situation that feels wrong. Im going to have him
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checked out.
I assume he is talking about my boss not the realtor, but either way,
this is exactly what I have feared. The more involved I am with Liam, the
more he will dig into my life. Hes just my boss. And only for a few months.
Thats the point. I need to focus on finding another job that is more
long-term. This is a bridge job.
That friend of mine, Derek. He runs a large real estate investment
firm. Ill introduce you and see if he might have anything you might be
interested in.
I am not about to apply for work with his friend, who then would
have a human resources file on me, but I cant say that. Thank you.
And Im going to pay your rent for a year tomorrow so you dont
have to stress about it anymore.
I am stunned and angry all in one blow. And hurt. I feel again like a
charity case bordering on becoming a tramp. No. You are not. I shove to
my feet. Im going to get dressed and leave.
I barely manage to slide out of my seat before hes in front of me and
his hand is on my arm, possessiveness in the action that I crave and reject.
Feeling vulnerable, I lash out. I guess I pay you for my rent by fucking you
all night until we both cant walk? I cant even believe I can talk like this. I
cant believe I let myself be in this situation.
Liam looks stunned. Where did that come from, Amy?
Im not some kept woman, Liam. Youve got the wrong girl.
Kept woman? Thats crazy. He softens his voice. You have to know
thats not how I am or how we are.
How can I not feel like that? I like how I feel when Im with you,
Liam. I do. Or I did.
Except right now. I dont like how I feel right now. I dont want your
money, Liam.
Its not about money
Its not about the money. I hear nothing else. Spots form in front of
my eyes, and a distant, unwelcome memory forces itself on me. I squeeze
my eyes shut, trying to block what I instinctively do not want to see, but its
too late. The past refuses to be ignored and I am transported back to Texas,
to a day when I am excitedly running up the stairs of my family home to
share my acceptance letter from the University of Texas with my mother. I
can see the blue jean skirt and red tank top I am wearing, and the smell of
the honeysuckle bushes off the side of our huge wooden porch is ripe in my
nostrils. I reach for the doorknob to open it and freeze at the sound of my
mother shouting. It isnt about the money. It was never about money.
Amy.
I blink and realize that I am on the bed with Liam sitting beside me,
his hand on my leg, and I do not remember how I got here. I, ah
Blacked out, he says. You scared the fuck out of me.
Im sorry. I I sit up and lean against the headboard. Im okay.
Its not about the money. I hear my mothers voice in my head again and
drop my face to my hand. Desperately at times, I have tried to remember
my mothers voice, to hear my mothers voice, to remember the way she
used to run around the house singing to the radio. But not today, not in this
partially formed memory some part of me seems to be clawing to get at
while another blocks it from entry. Maybe it isnt even real. Sometimes I
dont know what is or isnt anymore. I do not know how I can want to know
the truth and fear it this badly.
Liams hand settles on the side of my head and he presses his cheek
to mine. Youre okay, baby. Im here and nothing is going to happen to
you. My hand goes to his, and I want to tell him its not me Im worried
about. Its him. He strokes my hair and leans back, gently turning my face to
his. Can you walk to the car?
The dull throb in my forehead is easing, but I must not be
clearheaded because I truly have no idea what hes talking about. Car?
Where are we going?
We need to go to the ER and make sure youre okay.
I stiffen and fight through the clawing sensation in my gut, the
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aftermath of hearing my mothers voice. No. No ER. Its cluster headaches.
They feel eternal but they only last a few minutes.
How often?
They went away several years ago and just started again.
Have you had an MRI?
Yes. Im fine. They usually cant explain why they happen to
sufferers. They just happen. Im supposed to watch for triggers like stress,
change of environment, and what I eat.
Im sure its the move.
Do you take meds?
There isnt much they can do for them since they come fast and
hard. Acupuncture helped. They went away for years after I tried it.
And they just came back today?
A couple of days ago.
His hands curve around my calves and he scoots closer. Nightmares
and cluster headaches. Im not going to ask all the questions that come to
mind. Not now, but sometime soon youre going to have to tell me. You
know that, right?
All too well, I think. Moving here was a big decision, Liam. Ive
always been like this.
Big things mess with me. It goes way back to my childhood Godzilla
nightmares.
Ill take that answer for now as long as you agree to see a doctor.
I dont need a doctor.
What if youd been driving?
I wasnt.
Or walking down the stairs. Im going to be stubborn on this. You
need to see a doctor.
Acupuncture is what worked before. Ill find a place to go.
I think you should be checked out by a real doctor again to be safe.
Im not spending thousands of dollars for them to run MRIs and
tests to tell me what I already know.
Humor me and see someone. Ill pay for it.
Stop trying to spend money on me.
Stop hyper-focusing on the money. This isnt about
My head pinches. Stop. Stop. Dont say it again. I get it. You have
money and you spend $100 bills like its my penny. But I am not wasting it,
no matter how much of it you have. I know what works and thats
acupuncture. And it does. Its how Id recovered years before.
Disapproval furrows his brow. Ill get you an appointment, but if it
doesnt work
It will and I can get my own appointment.
But you wont because you want to save money, which is exactly
why Im going to take some of the pressure off of you. Tomorrow Im going
to the leasing office and paying your rent for a year, and
No, I told you. Im not going to take your money.
Its done, baby. No strings attached. No conditions. If you want to
ask for a refund after I pay it, you can donate the money to charity, but I
wont take it back. A gift is a gift and I expect nothing in return. Not even a
promise of tomorrow. He leans in and kisses me, and I mean to pull back
but his tongue presses past my teeth for one irresistible, deep, silky caress,
before he adds, And tomorrow wont be enough.
Liam
He gives me another quick kiss and I lose my thought. Stop kissing
me, I reprimand, sounding completely unconvincing. Youre trying to
distract me.
Is it working?
Yes. Thats the problem.
Then why would I stop? he queries, looking exceedingly pleased
with himself. He leans in for yet another kiss.
I press my fingers to his lips. No. Not again. I remember what I was
saying. Please stop throwing money at me.
He covers my fingers with his hand. I want to do this for you, Amy.
His voice softens, turning gravelly. Please let me.
Please let him? My heart squeezes with the sincerity I sense in him
and I reach up and stroke his cheek, then trace the line of his goatee. He is
amazing and generous and so much more than I bargained for in every
possible way. Youre new territory to me, Liam. I have never met anyone
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like you. Youre overbearingly generous and overwhelmingly male, or
maybe its the reverse. Sometimes I dont know how to respond.
He pulls me down on the bed and under him. Id say Id show you,
but I think we better wait until later considering you blacked out on me a
few minutes ago.
I told you. I know what is wrong. Its over. Im fine. Show me.
Your sure?
Finally, a question I can answer without hesitation. Yes. Please.
Please take me away and block a piece of my past that is clawing its way
through me.
***
Its nearly one in the afternoon, and Liam and I are walking through
the hotel lobby, our fingers laced together. I am such a nervous wreck I do
not even care that wearing the same dress as the night before screams
sleepover to the hotel staff. I cannot walk away from memories that hold
answers, but at the same time my mind rejects even thinking about what
that means right now. Not when Liam and I are heading to my apartment
so I can change clothes before we go to the cellular store and pick up my ID,
which is just another chance for Liam to find out its a Colorado license.
Before I deal with that potential bombshell, I have to explain why my things
I left in New York City havent been delivered. I hate lying, but I hate the
idea of Liam being put in danger far more. I just want it over with, but a
voice in my head quickly whispers, Lies breed lies. But questions breed
questions, and when I made the decision to stay with Liam, I made the
decision, like it or not, to own being Amy Bensen with him.
Liam and I step beyond the awning of the hotel exit and into the
beaming sunlight. I cast his profile an inspection, and my breath hitches at
how exquisitely male he is, his thick, dark hair a finger-combed sexy mess.
Hes dressed in a snug black polo pullover, black jeans, and some kind of
deck shoes. Half an hour ago, he was exquisite in nothing but droplets of
water and the soap that I had the pleasure of lathering him with. I have
never showered with a man. I have never felt like this about anyone. I dont
know what this is, except that its intense in all the right ways and I dont
want my past to destroy it before it ever takes form, as it has every other
relationship Ive had in my life.
We pause at the curb to allow cars to pass before we cross the street
to my apartment and I steal a glimpse of Liam to discover him doing the
same to me. He smiles a devastatingly sexy smile at me, and pulls me under
his arm, melding our hips together. My arm slides around his waist and he
leans down and gives me a quick peck on the lips. A sweet, hot spot forms
in my chest. It is this moment that speaks to me in a way all the hot sex
weve had last night and this morning cannot. He doesnt do relationships. I
dont do relationships, and yet that is exactly what it feels like we are doing.
We cross the street without breaking apart, and I have this sense of
being sheltered from the storm brewing all around me. At the apartment
elevator, Liam doesnt seem keen on letting me go, and we huddle in the
car, still holding onto each other. I think of the leasing office providing me
instructions for my work assignments and a needling begins inside me. Why
exactly would my handler leave anything with anyone for me?
Approaching my apartment door, I dig for my key, and will my nerves
to calm down. The zone my fake self slides into to perform seems to be
pretty much non-existent where Liam is concerned, and I have to find it
now. For his own good.
Somehow, I unlock the door with a steady hand. The walls I erect
while inside my zone are trying to form, but they are as paper-thin as my
ability to resist this man. Entering the hallway, Liam is on my heels, but I
pause in front of him, and I flip on the light, stalling to inhale a deep breath
before letting him follow me forward. I turn to wait on him to shut the
door, blocking his entry, a soldier drawing a hard line.
He arches a brow and I really wish he wasnt so damn sexy when he
did that. Dont jump to conclusions, I warn. The moving company lost
my things. Im filing a claim. I took out the insurance I needed so Ill have
my things replaced, so dont go offering to help. I dont need help.
It could take weeks to get a check.
I bought some things to get me by today.
He stares down at me with that unreadable mask he wears like a
champion poker player, and then grabs my hand and says, Show me.
Show you what?
Exactly what you have to survive on the next few weeks until you
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get a check. He doesnt give me time to argue, dragging me with him to
the bedroom, and straight to my closet.
I cringe when he opens the door to the empty room and then
actually glares at me as if Ive done something wrong. What exactly is it
that you bought to get you by?
Its not your business to
Im making it my business. He releases my hand and walks to the
dresser, opening several empty drawers and removing the limited items I
purchased yesterday, setting them all on the bed. This is what you call
getting by? He looks at a price tag and grimaces. A couple of outfits from
the bargain racks and not much else?
My defenses prickle. Im not spending money I dont have to.
He grabs me and sits down on the bed, leading me between his legs,
his fingers playing on my hips, his mouth pressing to my belly. Its so
unexpected that my mood softens instantly and I almost forget how
overbearing he is being. Change clothes and lets get out of here, he says
softly. I dont like this apartment or you in it.
My suspicion over him not pushing me on the purchase of more
clothing takes a backseat to his concern over my living arrangements.
Whats wrong with this place and me in it?
Aside from me preferring you in my hotel and my bed, I dont like
the premise of a boss youve never met arranging your lease.
He is turning the pages on my cover story far too quickly. Lots of
employers line up housing when employees relocate.
Not for an employee they dont intend to keep for more than a few
months.
My ex-boss is good friends with him and all he did was contact his
realtor to find me something.
Are you certain hes not on the lease and has no access to the
apartment?
He hits a nerve that is already open. Of course he doesnt have
access.
Nevertheless, Im going to get your locks changed.
You cant just decide to change my locks, Liam, I say, despite that
being exactly what I intend to do. I have to reel him in before he dials into
things that get him into trouble. And you cant just take over my life.
Im not asking for a key.
No. Youd just take one. And this isnt about a key. Its about you
being assuming and bossy.
His hands slide under my dress, up the back of my thighs. You like
those things.
Sometimes. Often. Too often. I fear it speaks of just how much Im
breaking down again. And those times usually include us not wearing
clothing.
Just stay with me at the hotel. Problem solved.
My desire to escape to his world and block out my own is so intense
its frightening. Too easily he could leave and I will be broken and alone
again. I need to stay here and start making this home.
I have room service, which lets us stay in bed longer and more
often.
A knock sounds on the door and I tense before I can stop myself.
Expecting someone?
Liam asks.
I dont know anyone to expect, I tell him and my mind races. Who
would visit me except maybe my handler? And I havent even checked the
email I was given. The very idea that Ive missed something important sets
my heart leapfrogging. I flash back to the call in the hospital. Theyre
coming for you. If they come for me, they could come for Liam too.
