Ana, what is it?
Im just remembering something Christian said.
You look different, Kate says fondly.
I feel different. Sore, I confess.
Sore?
A little. I flush.
Me too. Men, she says in mock disgust. Theyre animals. We both laugh.
Youre sore? I exclaim.
Yes overuse.
I giggle.
Tell me about Elliot the over‑user, I ask when Ive stopped giggling. Oh, I can feel myself relaxing for the first time since I was in line at the bar before the phone call that started all this when I was admiring Mr. Grey from afar. Happy uncomplicated days.
Kate blushes. Oh my Katherine Agnes Kavanagh goes all Anastasia Rose Steele on me. She gives me a dewy‑eyed look. Ive never seen her react this way to a man before.
My jaw drops to the floor. Wheres Kate, what have you done with her?
Oh, Ana, she gushes. Hes just so Everything. And when we oh really good. She can hardly string a sentence together shes got it so bad.
I think youre trying to tell me that you like him. She nods, grinning like a lunatic.
And Im seeing him on Saturday. Hes going to help us move. She clasps her hands together, leaps up off the couch, and pirouettes to the window. Moving. Crap Id forgotten all about that, even with the packing cases surrounding us.
Thats helpful of him, I say appreciatively. I can get to know him too. Perhaps he can give me more insight into his strange, disturbing brother.
So what did you do last night? I ask. She cocks her head at me and raises her eyebrows in a what‑do‑think‑stupid‑look.
Pretty much what you did, though we had dinner first. She grins at me. Are you okay really? You look kind of overwhelmed.
I feel overwhelmed. Christian is very intense.
Yeah, I could see how he could be. But he was good to you?
Yes, I reassure her. Im really hungry, shall I cook? She nods and picks up two more books to pack.
What do you want to do with the fourteen thousand dollar books? she asks.
Im going to return them to him.
Really?
Its a completely over‑the‑top gift. I cant accept it, especially now. I grin at Kate, and she nods.
I understand. A couple of letters came for you, and José has been calling every hour on the hour. He sounded desperate.
Ill call him, I mutter evasively. If I tell Kate about José, shell have him for breakfast. I collect the letters from the dining table and open them.
Hey, I have interviews! The week after next, in Seattle, for intern placements!
For which publishing house?
For both of them!
I told you your GPA would open doors, Ana.
Kate, of course, already has an internship set up at the Seattle Times. Her father knows someone, who knows someone.
How does Elliot feel about you going away? I ask.
Kate wanders into the kitchen, and for the first time this evening, shes disconsolate.
Hes understanding. Part of me doesnt want to go, but its tempting to lie in the sun for a couple of weeks. Besides, Mom is hanging in there, thinking this will be our last real family holiday before Ethan and I head off into the world of paid employment. I have never left continental US. Kate is off to Barbados with her parents and her brother Ethan for two whole weeks. Ill be Kateless in our new apartment. That will be weird. Ethan has been traveling the world since he graduated last year. I wonder briefly if Ill see him before they go on vacation. Hes such a lovely guy. The phone rings, jolting me from my reverie.
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Thatll be José.
I sigh. I know I have to talk to him. I grab the phone.
Hi.
Ana, youre back! José shouts his relief at me.
Obviously. Sarcasm drips from my voice, and I roll my eyes at the phone.
Hes silent for a moment.
Can I see you? Im sorry about Friday night. I was drunk and you well. Ana
please forgive me.
Of course, I forgive you José. Just dont do it again. You know I dont feel like that about you.
He sighs heavily, sadly.
I know, Ana. I just thought, if I kissed you, it might change how you feel.
José, I love you dearly, you mean so much to me. Youre like the brother I never had.
Thats not going to change. You know that. I hate to let him down, but its the truth.
So youre with him now? His tone is full of disdain.
José, Im not with anybody.
But you spent the night with him.
Thats none of your business!
Is it the money?
José! How dare you! I shout, staggered by his audacity.
Ana, he whines and apologizes simultaneously. I cannot deal with his petty jealousy now. I know hes hurt, but my plate is overflowing dealing with Christian Grey.
Maybe we can have a coffee or something tomorrow. Ill call you. I am conciliatory.
He is my friend, and Im very fond of him. But right now, I dont need this.
Tomorrow then. Youll call? The hope in his voice twists my heart.
Yes goodnight, José. I hang up, not waiting for his response.
What was that all about? Katherine demands, her hands on her hips. I decide honesty is the policy. Shes looking more intractable than ever.
He made a pass at me on Friday.
José? And Christian Grey? Ana, your pheromones must be working overtime. What was the stupid fool thinking? She shakes her head in disgust and returns to packing crates.
Forty‑five minutes later, we pause our packing for the house specialty, my lasagna.
Kate opens a bottle of wine, and we sit amongst the boxes eating, quaffing cheap red wine, and watching crap TV. This is normality. Its so grounding and welcome after the last forty‑eight hours of madness. I eat my first unhurried, no nagging, peaceful meal in that time. What is it about him and food? Kate clears the dishes, and I finish packing up the living room. We are left with the couch, the TV, and the dining table. What more could we need? Just the kitchen and our bedrooms left to pack up, and we have the rest of the week. Result!
The phone rings again. Its Elliot. Kate winks at me and skips off to her bedroom like shes fourteen. I know that she should be writing her Valedictorian speech, but it seems Elliot is more important. What is it about the Grey men? What is it that makes them totally distracting, all‑consuming, and irresistible? I take another slug of wine.
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I flick through the TV channels, but deep down I know Im procrastinating. Burning a bright red hole in the side of my purse is that contract. Do I have the strength and the wherewithal to read it tonight?
I put my head in my hands. José and Christian, they both want something from me.
José is easy to deal with. But Christian Christian takes a whole different league of handling, of understanding. Part of me wants to run and hide. What am I going to do? His burning gray eyes and that intense smoldering stare come into my minds eye, and my body tightens at the thought. I gasp. Hes not even here, and Im turned on. It just cant be about sex, can it? I recall his gentle banter this morning at breakfast, his joy at my delight with the helicopter ride, him playing the piano the sweet soulful oh‑so‑sad music.
Hes such a complicated person. And now I have an insight as to why. A young man deprived of his adolescence, sexually abused by some evil Mrs. Robinson figure no wonder hes old before his time. My heart fills with sadness at the thought of what he must have been through. Im too naïve to know exactly what, but the research should shed some light. But do I really want to know? Do I want to explore this world I know nothing about?
Its such a big step.
If Id not met him, Id still be sweetly and blissfully oblivious. My mind drifts to last night, and this morning and the incredible, sensual sexuality Ive experienced. Do I want to say goodbye to that? No! Screams my subconscious my inner goddess nods in silent zen‑like agreement with her.
Kate wanders back into the living room, grinning from ear to ear. Perhaps shes in love I gape at her. Shes never behaved like this.
Ana, Im off to bed. Im pretty tired.
Me too, Kate.
She hugs me.
Im glad youre back in one piece. Theres something about Christian, she adds quietly, apologetically. I give her a small, reassuring smile all the while thinking How the hell does she know? This is what will make her a great journalist, her unfaltering intuition.
Collecting my purse, I wander listlessly into my bedroom. I am weary from all our carnal exertions of the last day and from the complete and utter dilemma that Im faced with. I sit on my bed and gingerly extract the manila envelope from the bag, turning it over and over in my hands. Do I really want to know the extent of Christians depravity? Its so daunting. I take a deep breath, and with my heart in my throat, I rip open the envelope.
There are several papers inside the envelope. I fish them out, my heart still pounding, and I sit back on my bed and begin to read.
CONTRACT
Made this day_________ of 2011 (The Commencement Date) BETWEEN
MR. CHRISTIAN GREY of 301 Escala, Seattle, WA 98889
(The Dominant)
MISS ANASTASIA STEELE of 1114 SW Green Street, Apartment 7, Haven Heights, Vancouver, WA 98888
(The Submissive)
