Do you have any idea what Im going to do to you? he adds, caressing my chin.
The muscles inside the deepest, darkest part of me clench in the most delicious fashion.
The pain is so sweet and sharp I want to close my eyes, but Im hypnotized by his gray eyes staring fervently into mine. Leaning down, he kisses me. His lips are demanding, firm and slow, molding mine. He starts unbuttoning my shirt while he places feather‑like kisses across my jaw, my chin, and the corners of my mouth. Slowly he peels it off me and lets it fall to the floor. He stands back and gazes at me. Im in the pale blue lacy perfect‑fit bra.
Thank heavens.
Oh, Ana, he breathes. You have the most beautiful skin, pale and flawless. I want to kiss every single inch of it.
I flush. Oh my Why did he say he couldnt make love? I will do anything he wants.
He grasps my hair tie, pulls it free, and gasps as my hair cascades down around my shoulders.
I like brunettes, he murmurs, and both of his hands are in my hair, grasping each side of my head. His kiss is demanding, his tongue and lips coaxing mine. I moan, and my tongue tentatively meets his. He puts his arms around me and hauls me against his body, squeezing me tightly. One hand remains in my hair, the other travels down my spine to my waist and down to my behind. His hand flexes over my backside and squeezes gently.
He holds me against his hips, and I feel his erection, which he languidly pushes into me.
I moan once more into his mouth. I can hardly contain the riotous feelings or is it hormones that rampage through my body. I want him so badly. Gripping his upper arms, I feel his biceps, hes surprisingly strong muscular. Tentatively, I move my hands up to his face and into his hair. Holy Moses. Its so soft, unruly. I tug gently, and he groans.
He eases me toward the bed, until I feel it behind my knees. I think hes going to push me down on to it, but he doesnt. Releasing me, he suddenly drops to his knees. He grabs my hips with both his hands and runs his tongue around my navel, then gently nips his way to my hipbone, then across my belly to my other hipbone.
Ah, I groan.
Seeing him on his knees in front of me, feeling his mouth on me, its so unexpected,, and hot. My hands stay in his hair, pulling gently as I try to quiet my too‑loud breathing.
He gazes up at me through impossibly long lashes, his eyes a scorching smoky gray. His hands reach up and undo the button on my jeans, and he leisurely pulls down the zipper.
Without taking his eyes off mine, his hands move beneath the waistband, skimming me and moving to my behind. His hands glide slowly down my backside to my thighs, removing my jeans as they go. I cannot look away. He stops and licks his lips, never breaking eye contact. He leans forward, running his nose up the apex between my thighs. I feel him.
There.
You smell so good, he murmurs and closes his eyes, a look of pure pleasure on his face, and I practically convulse. He reaches up and tugs the duvet off the bed, then pushes me gently so I fall on to the mattress.
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Still kneeling, he grasps my foot and undoes my Converse, pulling off my shoe and sock. I raise myself up on my elbows to see what hes doing. Im panting wanting. He lifts my foot by the heel and runs his thumbnail up my instep. Its almost painful, but I feel the movement echoed in my groin. I gasp. Not taking his eyes off mine, again he runs his tongue along my instep and then his teeth. Shit. I groan how can I feel this, there. I fall back on to the bed, moaning. I hear his soft chuckle.
Oh, Ana, what I could do to you, he whispers. He removes my other shoe and sock, then stands and removes my jeans. Im lying on his bed dressed only in my bra and panties, and hes staring down at me.
Youre very beautiful, Anastasia Steele. I cant wait to be inside you. Holy shit. His words. Hes so seductive. He takes my breath away.
Show me how you pleasure yourself.
What? I frown.
Dont be coy, Ana, show me, he whispers.
I shake my head.
I dont know what you mean. My voice is hoarse. I hardly recognize it, laced with desire.
How do you make yourself come? I want to see.
I shake my head.
I dont, I mumble. He raises his eyebrows, astonished for a moment, and his eyes darken, and he shakes his head in disbelief.
Well, well have to see what we can do about that. His voice is soft, challenging, a delicious sensual threat. He undoes the buttons of his jeans and slowly pulls his jeans down, his eyes on mine the whole time. He leans down over me and, grasping each of my ankles, quickly jerks my legs apart and crawls onto the bed between my legs. He hovers over me. I am squirming with need.
Keep still, he murmurs, and then he leans down and kisses the inside of my thigh, trailing kisses up, over the thin lacy material of my panties, kissing me.
Oh I cant keep still. How can I not move? I wriggle beneath him.
Were going to have to work on keeping you still, baby. He trails kisses up my belly, and his tongue dips into my navel. Still hes heading north, kissing me across my torso.
My skin is burning. Im flushed, too hot, too cold, and Im clawing at the sheet beneath me. He lay down beside me, and his hand trails up from my hip, to my waist, and up to my breast. He gazes down at me, his expression unreadable, and gently cups my breast.
You fit my hand perfectly, Anastasia, he murmurs and dips his index finger into the cup of my bra and gently yanks it down freeing my breast, but the under wire and fabric of the cup force it upward. His finger moves to my other breast and repeats the process. My breasts swell, and my nipples harden under his steady gaze. I am trussed‑up by my own bra.Very nice, he whispers appreciatively, and my nipples harden even more.
He blows very gently on one as his hand moves to my other breast, and his thumb slowly rolls the end of my nipple, elongating it. I groan, feeling the sweet sensation all the way to my groin. I am so wet. Oh please, I beg internally as my fingers clasp the sheet tighter. His lips close around my other nipple and he tugs, I nearly convulse.
Lets see if we can make you come like this, he whispers, continuing his slow, sensual assault. My nipples bear the delicious brunt of his deft fingers and lips, setting alight every single nerve ending in my body so that my whole body sings with the sweet agony.
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He just doesnt stop.
Oh please, I beg, and I pull my head back, my mouth open as I groan, my legs stiffening. Holy hell, whats happening to me?
Let go, baby, he murmurs. His teeth close round my nipple, and his thumb and finger pull hard, and I fall apart in his hands, my body convulsing and shattering into a thousand pieces. He kisses me, deeply, his tongue in my mouth absorbing my cries.
Oh my. That was extraordinary. Now I know what all the fuss is about. He gazes down at me, a satisfied smile on his face, while Im sure theres nothing but gratitude and awe on mine.
You are very responsive, he breathes. Youre going to have to learn to control that, and its going to be so much fun teaching you how. He kisses me again.
My breathing is still ragged as I come down from my orgasm. His hand moves down my waist, to my hips, and then cups me, intimately... Jeez. His finger slips through the fine lace and slowly circles around me there. Briefly he closes his eyes, and his breathing hitches.
Youre so deliciously wet. God, I want you. He thrusts his finger inside me, and I cry out as he does it again and again. He palms my clitoris, and I cry out once more. He pushes inside me harder and harder still. I groan.
Suddenly, he sits up and tugs my panties off and throws them on the floor. Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free. Holy cow He reaches over to his bedside table and grabs a foil packet, and then he moves between my legs, spreading them further apart.
He kneels up and pulls a condom on to his considerable length. Oh noWill it? How?
Dont worry, he breathes, his eyes on mine, You expand too. He leans down, his hands on either side of my head, so hes hovering over me, staring down into my eyes, his jaw clenched, eyes burning. Its only now that I register hes still wearing his shirt.
You really want to do this? he asks softly.
Please, I beg.
Pull your knees up, he orders softly, and Im quick to obey. Im going to fuck you now, Miss Steele, he murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of my sex. Hard, he whispers, and he slams into me.
Aargh! I cry as I feel a weird pinching sensation deep inside me as he rips through my virginity. He stills, gazing down at me, his eyes bright with ecstatic triumph.
His mouth is open slightly, and his breathing is harsh. He groans.
Youre so tight. You okay?
I nod, my eyes wide, my hands on his forearms. I feel so full. He stays still, letting me acclimatize to the intrusive, overwhelming feeling of him inside me.
Im going to move, baby, he breathes after a moment, his voice tight.
Oh.
He eases back with exquisite slowness. And he closes his eyes and groans, and thrusts into me again. I cry out a second time, and he stills.
More? he whispers, his voice raw.
Yes, I breathe. He does it once more, and stills again.
I groan. My body accepting him Oh, I want this.
Again? he breathes.
Yes. Its a plea.
And he moves, but this time he doesnt stop. He shifts onto his elbows so I can feel his weight on me, holding me down. He moves slowly at first, easing himself in and out of me. And as I grow accustomed to the alien feeling, my hips move tentatively to meet his.
He speeds up. I moan, and he pounds on, picking up speed, merciless, a relentless rhythm, and I keep up, meeting his thrusts. He grasps my head between his hands and kisses me hard, his teeth pulling at my lower lip again. He shifts slightly, and I can feel something building deep inside me, like before. I start to stiffen as he thrusts on and on. My body quivers, bows, a sheen of sweat gathers over me. Oh my I didnt know it would feel like this didnt know it could feel as good as this. My thoughts are scattering... theres only sensation... only him... only me oh please I stiffen.
Come for me, Ana, he whispers breathlessly, and I unravel at his words, exploding around him as I climax and splinter into a million pieces underneath him. And as he comes, he calls out my name, thrusting hard, then stilling as he empties himself into me.
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I am still panting, trying to slow my breathing, my thumping heart, and my thoughts are in riotous disarray. Wow that was astounding. I open my eyes, and he has his forehead pressed against mine, his eyes closed, his breathing ragged. Christians eyes flicker open and gaze down at me, dark but soft. Hes still inside me. Leaning down, he gently presses a kiss against my forehead then slowly pulls out of me.
Ooh. I wince at the unfamiliarity.
Did I hurt you? Christian asks as he lies down beside me propped on one elbow. He tucks a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. And I have to grin, widely.
You are asking me if you hurt me?
The irony is not lost on me, he smiles sardonically. Seriously, are you okay? His eyes are intense, probing, demanding even.
I stretch out beside him, feeling loose‑limbed, my bones like jelly, but Im relaxed, deeply relaxed. I grin at him. I cant stop grinning. Now I know what all the fuss is about.
Two orgasms coming apart at the seams, like the spin cycle on a washing machine, wow.
I had no idea what my body was capable of, could be wound so tightly and released so violently, so gratifyingly. The pleasure was indescribable.
Youre biting your lip, and you havent answered me. Hes frowning. I grin up at him impishly. He looks glorious with his tousled hair, burning narrowed gray eyes, and serious, dark expression.
Id like to do that again, I whisper. For a moment, I think I see a fleeting look of relief on his face, before the shutters come down, and he gazes at me through hooded eyes.
Would you now, Miss Steele? he murmurs dryly. He leans down and kisses me very gently at the corner of my mouth. Demanding little thing arent you. Turn on your front. I blink at him momentarily, and then I turn over. He unhooks my bra and runs his hand down my back to my behind.
You really have the most beautiful skin, he murmurs. He shifts so that one of his legs pushes between mine, and hes half lying across my back. I can feel the buttons of his shirt pressing into me as he gathers my hair off my face and kisses my bare shoulder.
Why are you wearing your shirt? I ask. He stills. After a beat, he shuffles out of his shirt, and he lies back down on me. I feel his warm skin against mine. Hmm it feels heavenly. He has a light dusting of hair across his chest, which tickles my back.
So you want me to fuck you again? he whispers in my ear, and he begins to trail feather light kisses around my ear and down my neck.
His hand moves down, skimming my waist, over my hip, and down my thigh to the back of my knee. He pushes my knee up higher, and my breath hitches oh my, whats he doing now? He shifts so hes between my legs, pressed against my back, and his hand travels up my thigh to my behind. He caresses my cheek slowly, and then trails his fingers down between my legs.
Im going to take you from behind, Anastasia, he murmurs, and with his other hand, he grasps my hair at the nape in a fist and pulls gently, holding me in place. I cannot move my head. I am pinioned beneath him, helpless.
You are mine, he whispers. Only mine. Dont forget it. His voice is intoxicating, his words heady, seductive. I feel his growing erection against my thigh.
His long fingers reach round to gently massage my clitoris, circling slowly. His breath is soft against my face as he slowly nips me along my jaw.
You smell divine, he nuzzles behind my ear. His hand rubs against me, round and round. Reflexively, my hips start to circle, mirroring his hand, as excruciating pleasure spikes through my blood like adrenaline.
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Keep still, he orders, his voice soft but urgent, and slowly he inserts his thumb inside me, rotating it round and round, stroking the front wall of my vagina. The effect is mind‑blowing all my energy concentrating on this one small space inside my body. I moan.
You like this? he asks softly, his teeth grazing my outer ear, and he starts to flex his thumb slowly, in, out, in, out his fingers still circling.
I close my eyes, trying to keep my breathing under control, trying to absorb the disordered, chaotic sensations that his fingers are unleashing on me, fire coursing through my body. I moan again.
Youre so wet, so quickly. So responsive. Oh, Anastasia, I like that. I like that a lot, he whispers.
I want to stiffen my legs, but I cant move. Hes pinning me down, keeping up a constant, slow, tortuous rhythm. Its absolutely exquisite. I moan again, and he moves suddenly.
Open your mouth, he commands and thrusts his thumb in my mouth. My eyes fly open, blinking wildly.
See how you taste, he breathes against my ear. Suck me, baby. His thumb presses on my tongue, and my mouth closes round him, sucking wildly. I taste the saltiness on his thumb and the faint metallic tang of blood. Holy fuck. This is wrong, but holy hell is it erotic.
I want to fuck your mouth, Anastasia, and I will soon, his voice is hoarse, raw, his breathing more disjointed.
Fuck my mouth! I moan, and I bite down on him. He gasps, and he pulls my hair tighter, painfully, so I release him.
Naughty, sweet girl, he whispers, and then reaches over to the bedside table for a foil packet. Stay still, dont move, he orders as he releases my hair.
He rips the foil while Im breathing hard, my blood singing in my veins. The anticipation is exhilarating. He leans down, his weight on me again, and he grabs my hair holding my head immobile. I cannot move. Im enticingly ensnared by him, and hes poised and ready to take me once more.
Were going to go real, slow this time, Anastasia, he breathes.
And slowly he eases into me, slowly, slowly, until hes buried in me. Stretching, filling, relentless. I groan loudly. It feels deeper this time, delectable. I groan again, and he deliberately circles his hips and pulls back, pauses a beat, and then eases his way back in.
He repeats this motion again and again. Its driving me insane his teasing, deliberately slow thrusts, and the intermittent feeling of fullness is overwhelming.
You feel so good, he groans, and my insides start to quiver. He pulls back and waits.
Oh no, baby, not yet, he murmurs, and as the quivering ceases, he starts the whole delicious process again.
Oh, please, I beg. Im not sure I can take much more. My body is wound so tight, craving release.
I want you sore, baby, he murmurs, and he continues his sweet, leisurely torment, backward, forward.
Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that Ive been here. Only me. You are mine.
I groan.
Please, Christian, I whisper.
What do you want, Anastasia? Tell me.
I groan again. He pulls out and moves slowly back into me, circling his hips once more.
Tell me, he murmurs.
You, please.
He increases the rhythm infinitesimally, and his breathing becomes more erratic. My insides start quickening, and Christian picks up the rhythm.
You. Are. So. Sweet, he murmurs between each thrust. I. Want. You. So. Much. I moan.
You. Are. Mine. Come for me, baby, he growls.
His words are my undoing, tipping me over the precipice. My body convulses around him, and I come, loudly calling out a garbled version of his name into the mattress, and Christian follows with two sharp thrusts, and he freezes, pouring himself into me as he finds his release. He collapses on top of me, his face in my hair.
Fuck. Ana, he breathes. He pulls out of me immediately and rolls onto his side of the bed. I pull my knees up to my chest, utterly spent, and immediately drift off or pass out into an exhausted sleep.
When I wake, its still dark. I have no idea how long Ive slept. I stretch out beneath the duvet, and I feel sore, deliciously sore. Christian is nowhere to be seen. I sit up, staring out at the cityscape in front of me. There are fewer lights on amongst the skyscrapers, and theres a whisper of dawn in the east. I hear the music. The lilting notes of the piano, a sad, sweet lament. Bach, I think, but Im not sure.
I wrap the duvet round me and quietly pad down the corridor toward the big room.
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Christian is at the piano, completely lost in the music hes playing. His expression is sad and forlorn, like the music. His playing is stunning. Leaning against the wall at the entrance, I listen enraptured. Hes such an accomplished musician. He sits naked, his body bathed in the warm light cast by a solitary freestanding lamp beside the piano. With the rest of the large room in darkness, its like hes in his own isolated little pool of light, untouch‑able lonely, in a bubble.
I pad quietly toward him, enticed by the sublime, melancholy music. Im mesmerized watching his long skilled fingers as they find and gently press the keys, thinking how those same fingers have expertly handled and caressed my body. I flush and gasp at the memory and press my thighs together. He glances up, his unfathomable gray eyes bright, his expression unreadable.
Sorry, I whisper. I didnt mean to disturb you. A frown flits across his face.
Surely, I should be saying that to you, he murmurs. He finishes playing and puts his hands on his legs.
I notice now that hes wearing PJ pants. He runs his fingers through his hair and stands.
His pants hang from his hips, in that way oh my. My mouth goes dry as he casually strolls around the piano toward me. He has broad shoulders, narrow hips, and his abdomi‑nal muscles ripple as he walks. He really is stunning.
You should be in bed, he admonishes.
That was a beautiful piece. Bach?
Transcription by Bach, but its originally an oboe concerto by Alessandro Marcello.
It was exquisite, but very sad, such a melancholy melody. His lips quirk up in a half smile.
Bed, he orders. Youll be exhausted in the morning.
I woke and you werent there.
I find it difficult to sleep, and Im not used to sleeping with anyone, he murmurs. I cant fathom his mood. He seems a little despondent, but its difficult to tell in the darkness. Perhaps it was the tone of the piece he was playing. He puts his arm around me and gently walks me back to the bedroom.
How long have you been playing? You play beautifully.
Since I was six.
Oh. Christian as a six‑year‑old boy my mind conjures an image of a beautiful, copper‑haired little boy with gray eyes and my heart melts a moppet‑haired kid who likes impossibly sad music.
How are you feeling? he asks when we are back in the room. He switches on a sidelight.
Im good.
We both glance down at the bed at the same time. Theres blood on the sheets evidence of my lost virginity. I flush, embarrassed, pulling the duvet tighter around me.
Well, thats going to give Mrs. Jones something to think about, Christian mutters as he stands in front of me. He puts his hand under my chin and tips my head back, staring down at me. His eyes are intense as he examines my face. I realize that Ive not seen his naked chest before. Instinctively, I reach out to run my fingers through the smattering of dark hair on his chest to see how it feels. Immediately, he steps back out of my reach.
Get into bed, he says sharply. Ill come and lie down with you. His voice softens.
I drop my hand and frown. I dont think Ive ever touched his torso. He opens a chest of drawers and pulls out a t‑shirt and quickly slips it on.
Bed, he orders again. I climb back onto the bed, trying not to think about the blood.
He clambers in beside me and pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me so that Im facing away from him. He kisses my hair gently, and he inhales deeply.
Sleep, sweet Anastasia, he murmurs, and I close my eyes, but I cant help feel a re‑sidual melancholy either from the music or his demeanor. Christian Grey has a sad side.
Light fills the room, coaxing me from deep sleep to wakefulness. I stretch out and open my eyes. Its a beautiful May morning, Seattle at my feet. Wow, what a view. Beside me, Christian Grey is fast asleep. Wow, what a view. Im surprised hes still in bed. Hes facing me, and I have an unprecedented opportunity to study him. His lovely face looks younger, relaxed in sleep. His sculptured, pouty lips are parted slightly, and his shiny, clean hair is a glorious mess. How could anyone look this good and still be legal? I remember his room upstairs perhaps hes not legal. I shake my head, so much to think about. Its tempting to reach out and touch him, but like a small child, hes so lovely when hes asleep. I dont have to worry about what Im saying, what hes saying, what plans he has, especially his plans for me.
I could gaze at him all day, but I have needs bathroom needs. Slipping out of bed, I find his white shirt on the floor and shrug it on. I walk through a door thinking that it might be the bathroom, but Im in a vast walk‑in closet as big as my bedroom. Lines and lines of expensive suits, shirts, shoes, and ties. How can anyone need this many clothes? I tut with disapproval. Actually, Kates wardrobe probably rivals this. Kate! Oh no. I didnt think about her all evening. I was supposed to text her. Crap. Im going to be in trouble. I wonder briefly how shes getting on with Elliot.
Returning to the bedroom, Christian is still asleep. I try the other door. Its the bathroom, and its bigger than my bedroom. Why does one man need so much space? Two sinks, I notice with irony. Given he doesnt sleep with anyone, one of them cant have been used.
I stare at myself in the gigantic mirror above the sinks. Do I look different? I feel different. I feel a little sore, if Im honest, and my muscles ‑ jeez its like Ive never done any exercise in my life. You dont do any exercise in your life, my subconscious has woken.
Shes staring at me with pursed lips, tapping her foot. So youve just slept with him, given him your virginity, a man who doesnt love you. In fact, he has very odd ideas about you, wants to make you some sort of kinky sex slave.
ARE YOU CRAZY? Shes shouting at me.
I wince as I look in the mirror. I am going to have to process all this. Honestly, fancy falling for a man whos beyond beautiful, richer than Croesus, and has a Red Room of Pain waiting for me. I shudder. Im bewildered and confused. My hair is its usual wayward self. Just‑fucked hair doesnt suit me. I try and bring order to the chaos with my fingers but fail miserably and give up maybe Ill find hair ties in my purse.
Im starving. I head back out to the bedroom. Sleeping beauty is still sleeping, so I leave him and head for the kitchen.
Oh no Kate. I left my purse in Christians study. I fetch it and reach for my cell phone. Three texts.
*RU OK Ana*
*Where RU Ana*
*Damn it Ana*
I call Kate. When she doesnt answer, I leave her a groveling message to tell her I am alive and have not succumbed to Bluebeard, well not in the sense she would be worried about or perhaps I have. Oh this is so confusing. I have to try and categorize and analyze my feelings for Christian Grey. Its an impossible task. I shake my head in defeat. I need alone time, away from here to think.
I find two welcome hair ties at the same time in my bag and quickly tie my hair in pigtails. Yes! The more girly I look, perhaps the safer Ill be from Bluebeard. I take my iPod out of the bag and plug my headphones in. Theres nothing like music to cook by. I slip it into the breast pocket of Christians shirt, turn it up loud, and start dancing.
Holy hell, Im hungry.
I am daunted by his kitchen. Its so sleek and modern and none of the cupboards have handles. It takes me a few seconds to deduce that I have to push the cupboard doors to open them. Perhaps I should cook Christian breakfast. He was eating an omelet the other day um, yesterday at the Heathman. Jeez, so much has happened since then. I check in the fridge, where there are plenty of eggs, and decide I want pancakes and bacon. I set about making some batter, dancing my way round the kitchen.
Being busy is good. It allows a bit of time to think but not too deeply. Music blaring in my ears also helps to stave off deep thought. I came here to spend the night in Christian Greys bed, and managed it, even though he doesnt let anyone in his bed. I smile, mission accomplished. Big time. I grin. Big, big time, and Im distracted by the memory of last night. His words, his body, his lovemaking I close my eyes as my body hums at the recollection, and my muscles contract deliciously deep in my belly. My subconscious scowls at me fucking not lovemaking she screams at me like a harpy. I ignore her, but deep down I know she has a point. I shake my head to concentrate on the task at hand.
There is a state‑of‑the‑art range. I think I have the hang of it. I need somewhere to keep the pancakes warm, and I start on the bacon. Amy Studt is singing in my ear about misfits. This song used to mean so much to me, thats because Im a misfit. I have never fitted in anywhere and now I have an indecent proposal to consider from King Misfit himself. Why is he this way? Nature or Nurture? Its so alien to anything I know.
I put the bacon under the grill, and while its cooking, I whisk some eggs. I turn, and Christian is sitting on one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar, leaning on it, his face supported by his steepled hands. Hes still wearing the t‑shirt hes slept in. Just‑fucked hair really, really suits him, as does his designer stubble. He looks both amused and bewildered.
I freeze, flush, then gather myself and pull the headphones out of my ears, my knees weak at the sight of him.
Good morning, Miss Steele. Youre very energetic this morning, he says dryly.
I slept well, I stutter my explanation. His lips try to mask his smile.
I cant imagine why. He pauses and frowns. So did I, after I came back to bed.
