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When I left my public school I had an extensive knowledge of Latin and Greek literature, knew a certain amount of Greek and Latin history and French grammar, and had "done" a little mathematics.
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I went to Balliol University a good classic and a complete ignoramus.
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I knew vaguely that the first Chapter of Genesis was not quite true, but I did not know why.
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Thinking up titles is an art in itself, but we, legions of would-be authors, face another literary crisis: title depletion. Heedless of the future, successful authors the world over keep consuming a precious resource book titles as if there were no tomorrow, and that puts the rest of us off. And they have creamed off the best. Maybe I would have written The Brothers Karamazov, but some older guy got it first. We're left with odds and ends, like The Second Cousins Karamazov.
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To read or not to read? All books can be divided into three groups: books to read, books to re-read, and books not to read at all.
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The Ekaterininsky Canal is notorious with its muddy waters among the rivers and canals of St. Petersburg.
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1. Their only hope was that it would never stop
raining, and they had no hope because they all
knew it would.
2. Late that night Hungry Joe dreamed that Huple's
cat was sleeping on his face, suffocating him,
and when he woke up, Huple's cat was sleeping
on his face.
3. There were too many dangers for Yossarian to
keep track of. There was Hitler, Mussolini and
Tojo, for example, and they were all out to kill
him.
4. At the end of ten days, a new group of doctors
came to Yossarian with bad news: he was in
perfect health and had to get out of the hospital.
5. After that, Colonel Cathcart did not trust any
other colonel in the Squadron. The only good
colonel, he decided, was a dead colonel, except
for himself.
6. Nately had lived for almost twenty years without
trauma, tension, hate, or neurosis, which was
proof to Yossarian of just how crazy he really was.
7. It was already some time since the chaplain had
first begun wondering what everything was all
about. Was there a God? How could he be sure?
Being an Anabaptist minister in the American
Army was difficult enough.
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Milo purchased spot radio announcements on Lord Haw Haw's daily propaganda broadcasts from Berlin to keep things moving. Business boomed on every battlefront. Milo's planes were a familiar sight. They had freedom of passage everywhere, and one day Milo contracted with the American military authorities to bomb the German-held highway bridge at Orvieto and with the German military authorities to defend the highway bridge at Orvieto with antiaircraft fire against his own attack. His fee for attacking the bridge for America was the total cost of the operation plus six per cent, and his fee from Germany for defending the bridge was the same cost-plus-six agreement augmented by a merit bonus of a thousand dollars for every American plane be shot down. The consummation of these deals represented an important victory for private enterprise, since the armies of both countries were socialised institutions. Once the contracts were signed, there seemed to be no point in using the resources of the syndicate to
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bomb and defend the bridge, inasmuch as both governments had ample men and material right there to do the job, which they were very happy to do. In the end Milo realised a fantastic profit from both halves of this project for doing nothing more than signing his name twice.
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1. Philbrick sat at the next table at the Maison
Basque eating the bitter little strawberries which
are so cheap in Provence and so veiy expensive
in Dover Street.
2. One by one the girls were shown in. 'Name?'
said Margot. 'Pompilia de la Conradine.' Margot
wrote it down. 'Real name?' 'Bessy Brown.'
3. Margot and Paul went up to London to make
arrangements for the wedding, which, contrary
to all reasonable expectation, Margot decided
was to take place in church with all the barbaric
concomitants of bridesmaids, Mendelssohn and
mummery.
4. Is Oxford worth while? As far as I can judge
from my own experience and that of my friends
it is certainly not. Of my classmates only one is
earning "real money"; he is a film star at Holly
wood; incidentally he was sent down for failing
to pass his preliminary schools.
5. Hollywood has made its business the business of
half of the world. Yet the great pachyderms of
the film trade have no suspicion that in most of
America and in the whole of Europe the word
"Hollywood" is pejorative.
6. Another new arrival that caused us a certain
amount of trouble, one way or another, was
Delilah. She was a large female African crested
porcupine, and she arrived up at the airport in
a crate that looked suitable for a couple of
rhinoceros.
7. In the England of the first half of the century
there was published a series of architectural
designs for the use of provincial builders and
private patrons, displaying buildings of different
sizes from gatelodges to mansions, decorated in
various "styles", Palladian, Greek, Gothic, even
Chinese.
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1. I did not see Strickland for several weeks. I
was disgusted with him, and if I had had an
opportunity should have been glad to tell him
so, but I saw no object in seeking him out for the
purpose.
2. Dick Stroeve flattered himself on his skill in
cooking Italian dishes, and I confess that his
spaghetti were very much better than his pictures.
3. His life was a tragedy written in the terms of a
knock-about farce.
4. A photograph could not have been more exact
than his pictures to look at which you would
have thought that Monet, Manet, and the rest
of the Impressionists had never been.
5. She was making money but she could not get
over the idea that to earn her living was somewhat
undignified, and she was inclined to remind you
that she was a lady by birth.
6. The women were too nice to be well-dressed,
and too sure of their position to be amusing.
7. There was about all of them an air of well-satis
fied prosperity; each one talked to his neighbour,
to his neighbour on the right during the soup,
fish, and entree; to his neighbour on the left
during the roast, sweet, and savoury.
8. It was the kind of the party which makes you
wonder why the hostess has troubled to bid her
guests, and why the guests have troubled to come.
9. I used to listen with astonishment to the stinging
humour with which they would tear a brother-
author to pieces the moment that his back was
turned.
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A man should make an honest effort to get the names of his wife's friends right. This is not easy. The average wife who has graduated from college at any time during the past thirty years keeps in close touch with at least seven old classmates. These ladies, known as "the girls", are named, respectively: Mary, Marion, Melissa, Marjorie, Maribel, Madeleine and Miriam; and all of them are called Myrtle by the careless husband we are talking about. Furthermore, he gets their nicknames wrong. This, to be sure, is understandable, since their nicknames are, respectively: Molly, Muffy, Missy, Midge, Mabby, Maddy and Minis. The careless husband, out of thoughtlessness or pure cussedness, calls them all Mugs, or, when he is feeling particularly brutal, Mucky. All the girls are married, one of them to a Ben Tompkins, and as this is the only one he can remember, our hero calls all the husbands Ben, or Tompkins, adding to the general annoyance and confusion.
If you are married to a college graduate, then, try to get the names of her girlfriends and their husbands straight. This will prevent some of those interminable arguments that begin after Midge and Harry (not Mucky and Ben) have said a stiff good night and gone home.
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