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Out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the


A lady was speeding one day when an officer pulled her over to the side of the road. She was extra nervous because she hadn't been wearing her seat belt, and didn't want to get a ticket for that too. As soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped her seat belt on before the officer was

Close enough to her window to see her without it. After talking to her about speeding, the officer

said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always wear it looped through

your steering wheel like that too?"


7.A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.


8. A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves. Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.


9. A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many

years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the

walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And

I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if

your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."


While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a

Place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant,

and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're

in there, you might as well get my hat, too."



The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his

Wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed

out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the

reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy

came to work for us?"

12. A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, ''T-G-I-F'' (letters only). He smiled at her

and replied, ''S-H-I-T'' (letters only).'' She looked at him, puzzled, and said, ''T-G-I-F'' again. He

acknowledged her remark again by answering, ''S-H-I-T.'' The blond was trying to be friendly, so

she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly ''T-G-I-F'' another time. The man

smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical statement, ''S-H-I-T.'' The blond finally

decided to explain things, and this time she said, ''T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?'' The man answered, ''Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.''


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