Sephy, think long and hard about what you're proposing to do. You know only too well what Jude McGregor is. If you were dangling over a cliff and your hand was glued to his, he'd rather chop off his own arm at the elbow than haul you up to safety. And he shot your sister. He would've shot you too if he hadn't thought of a much better way to get back at you. Don't do it, Sephy. Don't do it.
But what about Meggie? I owe it to her.
Get off the Cross, Sephy. Someone else needs the wood. You don't owe Meggie or anyone else anything. Stop taking the problems of the world onto your own shoulders.
If it wasn't for me, Callum would still be alive. Jude got that bit right at least. And I have to help Meggie. She's been through so much.
Even if it means helping your worst enemy?
It'd be for Meggie...
Are you sure about that? Wouldn't it be more for your own benefit..?
Of course not. How would it help me, for heaven's sake?
Maybe it's your way of trying to feel better about yourself.
I feel just fine, thank you.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself that...
You're forgetting one important thing in all this. Jude might actually be innocent.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself that too. When are you going to forgive yourself, Sephy? When're you going to give yourself a break?
Stop it! Just stop...
I groaned and rolled over, unable to get to sleep. The darkness, which was supposed to be my friend, didn't bring me the comfort it usually did. I always felt safe in the dark. Free. I was anonymous. No eyes watching. No one judging. But now the darkness just seemed to be mocking me. I groaned again. If anyone could hear my thoughts at that precise moment, I'd be instantly committed to a mental institution. Here I was, mentally arguing with myself over what I planned to do. How far gone was I!
But who could I talk to?
Who could I turn to?
One way or another, I was about to do something incredibly stupid, not to mention dangerous, but deep down I knew that that wouldn't stop me. I was at the start of my journey to hell.
And there was no turning back.
