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Do you know who I am?
Once Mark Twain was fishing. A stranger came along and asked him: - Are you catching any fish?
- I caught fifteen trout in this stream yesterday, - Mark Twain said.
- Is that so? - said the stranger. - Well, do you know who I am?
- No, I do not, - Mark Twain said.
- Well, I am the game-warden of this county, - answered the stranger. - And trout are out of season.
Mark Twain thought a while. Then he asked: - By the way, do you know who I am?
- No, - replied the game-warden.
- Well, I am the biggest liar in this county, - Mark Twain said.
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I have no time to lose
An energetic American tourist had come to visit the Warwick Castle in England. When the doorkeeper made his appearance, the American was studying his guide-book.
- Tell me, - the American said to the caretaker, - have you that famous vase still here? (shows its photo in the guide-book).
- Yes, sir, - was the reply.
- And the table that costs 10.000 dollars?
- Yes, sir.
- And have you still that portrait of Charles I by Vandyck?
- Oh yes, sir, - said the doorkeeper, - they are all here. Won't you come in and see them?
- No, I won't, I have no time to lose, - replied the visitor. - As they are here right enough and I have seen them in my guide-book I can go on visiting other castles and museums. Good morning - and he hurried away.