Cli asks about Veronicas dinner party in a way that lets me know my mother has already discussed it with himprobably in an e ort to get me to wear the collared shirts she bought me at the Gap, which Mom loves and I do not love. As soon as I sit down in the brown recliner, Cli broaches the subject, pinching his chin the way he does every time he asks me a question my mother has already answered.
Even though I now recognize Cli s tell, I am excited to let him know he was right about wearing the shirt my brother had given me. Surprisingly, he does not want to talk about what clothes I wore; he wants to talk about Ti any, and he keeps asking what I thought about her, how she made me feel, and if I enjoyed her company.
At rst I am polite and answer by saying that Ti any was nice and well dressed and had a pretty good body, but Cli keeps pushing for the truth like therapists do, because they all have some sort of psychic ability that allows them to see through your lies, and therefore they know you will eventually tire of the talking game and will o er up the truth.
Finally I say, Well, the thing isand I dont like saying thisbut Ti any is kind of slutty.
What do you mean? Cliff asks me. I mean shes sort of a whore.
Cli sits forward a little. He looks surprised, and uncomfortable enough to make me feel uncomfortable. On what do you base your observation? Did she dress provocatively?
No. I told you already. She wore a nice dress. But as soon as we nished our dessert, she asked me to walk her home.
Whats wrong with that?
Nothing. But at the end of the walk she asked me to have sexual intercourse with her, and not in those words.
Cliff removes his fingers from his chin, sits back, and says, Oh.
I know. It shocked me too, especially because she knows Im married. So did you?
Did I what?
Have sexual intercourse with Tiffany?
At first Cliffs words dont register, but when they do, I become angry. No!
Why not?
I cannot believe Cli has actually asked me such a question, especially since he is a happily married man himself, but I dignify the inquiry with an answer anyway. Because I love my wife! Thats why!
Thats what I thought, he says, which makes me feel a little better. He is only testing my morals, which is perfectly understandable, because people outside of mental institutions need to have good morals so that the world will continue to work without any major interruptionsand happy endings will flourish.
Then I say, I dont even know why Ti any would ask me to have sex with her anyway. I mean, Im not even an attractive guy; shes pretty and could do a lot better than me for sure. So Im thinking now that maybe shes a nymphomaniac. What do you think?
I dont know whether she is a nymphomaniac or not, he says. But I do know that sometimes people say and do what they think others want them to. Maybe Ti any really did not want to have sex with you, but only o ered something she thought you would find valuable, so you would value her.
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I think about his explanation for a second and then say, So youre saying that Ti any thought I wanted to have sex with her?
Not necessarily. He grabs his chin again. Your mother told me you came home with makeup on your shirt. Do you mind if I ask how that happened?
Reluctantly, because I dont like to gossip, I tell him about Ti anys wearing her wedding ring even after her husband died, and the hugging and the crying we did in front of her parents house.
Cli nods and says, It seems like Ti any really needs a friend, and that she thought having sex with you would make you want to be her friend. But tell me again how you handled the situation.
So I tell him exactly what led us to the hug and how I let her get makeup on my Hank Baskett jersey and
Where did you get a Hank Baskett jersey? he asks me. I told you. My brother gave it to me.
Thats what you wore to the dinner party? Yeah, just like you told me to.
He smiles and even chuckles, which surprises me. Then he adds, What did your friends say?
Ronnie said that Hank Baskett is the man.
Hank Baskett is the man. I bet he catches at least seven touchdowns this season. Cliff, youre an Eagles fan?
He does the Eagles chantE!-A!-G!-L!-E!-S! EAGLES!which makes me laugh because he is my therapist and I did not know therapists could like NFL football.
Well, now that I know you too bleed green, well have to talk Birds o the clock, Cli says. So you really let Ti any cry her makeup onto your brand-new Hank Baskett jersey?
Yeah, and its one with stitched-on numbers, not the cheap iron-ons.
Authentic Hank Baskett jersey! he says. That was certainly very kind of you, Pat. Itsounds like Ti any only really needed a hug, which you gave her because you are a nice guy.
I cant help smiling, because I really am trying hard to be a nice guy. Yeah, I know, but now shes always following me all over town.
What do you mean?
So I tell Cli that since the dinner party, whenever I put on a trash bag and leave my house for a run, Ti any is always waiting outside in her little running out t and pink headband. Very politely, I told her that I do not like running with other people and asked her to leave me alone, but she ignored my request and simply jogged ve feet behind me for my entire run. The next day, she did the same thing, and she keeps on doing it. Somehow shes gured out my schedule, and shes always there when I leave my house an hour before sunsetready to shadow me wherever I jog. I run fast, and she stays with me. I run on dangerous streets, and she follows. She never tires out either and just keeps running down the street when I nally stop in front of my house. She doesnt even say hello or goodbye.
Why dont you want her to follow you? Cliff asks.
So I ask him how his wife, Sonja, would feel if some hot woman shadowed him every time he went for a run.
He smiles the way guys do when they are alone and talking about women in a sexual way, and then he says, So you think Ti any is hot? This surprises me because I did not know therapists were allowed to talk like guys do when they are buddies, and I wonder if this means that Cliff thinks of me as his buddy now.
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Sure, shes hot, I say. But Im married.
He grabs his chin and says, How long has it been since youve seen Nikki? I tell him I dont know. Maybe a couple of months, I say.
Do you really believe that? he asks, grabbing his chin again.
When I say I do, I hear the yelling in my voice and even allow the f -word to slip out. Immediately I feel bad because Cli was talking to me like a friend, and sane people should not yell and curse at their buddies.
Im sorry, I say when Cliff starts to look scared.
Its okay, he says, and forces a smile. I should believe that you really mean what you tell me. He scratches his head for a second and then says, My wife loves foreign films. Do you like foreign films?
With subtitles? Yes.
I hate those types of films.
Me too, Cliff says. Mostly because No happy endings.
Exactly, Cli says, pointing a brown nger at my face. So depressing most of the time.
I nod wholeheartedly in agreement, even though I havent been to see any movies for a long time, and wont until Nikki returns, because I am now watching the movie of my life as I live it.
My wife used to beg me to take her to see these foreign lms with subtitles all the time, Cli says. It seemed like every day she would ask me if we might go to see a foreign lm, until I broke down and started taking her. Every Wednesday night wed go to the Ritz movie theater and see some depressing movie. And you know what?
What?
After a year we simply stopped going. Why?
She stopped asking. Why?
I dont know. But maybe if you take an interest in Ti any, ask her to run with you and maybe to go out to dinner a few timesmaybe after a few weeks, she will grow tired of the chase and leave you alone. Let her get what she wants, and maybe she will not want it anymore. Understand?
I do understand, but cannot help asking, Do you think that will really work? And Cliff shrugs in a way that makes me believe it will.
