After hearing both sides, the judge thought that it would be best and cheapest for everybody if Mrs Grey and her neighbour could come to some sort of arrangement to settle the matter between themselves, so he asked the lawyer who was representing Mrs Grey to find out how much money she wanted from her neighbour in order to stop the action against him.
Her lawyer explained to her what was happening, but Mrs Grey could not hear what he said, so he repeated loudly, "The judge wants to know what you will take."
"Oh thank you very much," Mrs Grey answered politely. "Please tell him that I'll have a glass of beer."
20.10.11 (8)
A man who was bored with living in London and desired to move to the country was looking for a house from which he could get to his office in the city easily every day. one day he saw an advertisement for a suitable house in Hampshire which was claimed to be within a stone's throw of a railway station from which there were frequent trains to London.
He telephoned the house agency and arranged to go down by train the next day and have a look at the house.
The house agent met him at the station and they drove to the house, which was at least a kilometre from the station.
The man who had come to see the house turned to the house agent when they reached it and objected, "I should be very interested to meet the man who threw that stone you memtioned in your advertisement!"
27.10.11 (9)
A famous writer who was visiting Japan was invited to give a lecture at a university to a large group of students. As most of them could not understand spoken English, he had to have an interpreter.
During his lecture he told an amusing story which went on for rather a long time. At last he stopped to allow the interpreter to translate it into Japanese, and was very surprised when the man did this in a few seconds, after which all the students laughed loudly.
After the lecture, the writer thanked the interpreter for his good work and then said to him, "Now please tell me how you translated that long story of mine into such a short Japanese one."
"I didn't tell the story at all, " the interpreter answered with a smile. "I just said, "The honorable lecturer has just told a funny story. You will all laugh, please."
3.11.11 (10)
Mr Williams was a gardener and a very good one too. Last year he came to work for Mrs Elphinstone, who was old, fat and rich.
She knew nothing about gardens, but thought that she knew a lot, and was always interfering. One day Mr Williams got angry with Mrs Elphinstone and called her an elephant. She did not like that at all, so she went to a lawyer, and a few months later Mr. Williams was in court accused of calling Mrs Elphinstone an elephant. The magistrate found Mr Williams guilty, so Mr Williams said to him, "Does that mean that I am not allowed to call this lady an elephant any more?"
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"That is quite correct," the magistrate answered.
"And am I allowed to call an elephant a lady? the gardener asked.
"Yes, certainly," the magistrate answered.
Mr Williams looked at Mrs Elphinstone and said, "Goodbye, lady."
10.11.11 (11)
There are lots of different kinds of Christian groups in the world, and one of them decided that they would adopt the motto: " There are no problems. There are only opportunities." People think too much about difficulties which prevent them from doing good deeds," they said, "and not enough about things that help them to do them."
Once this group was having a big conference in a hotel, when one of the members came up to the conference inquiries desk and said to the girl behind it, " Excuse me, miss, but I have a problem."
The girl pointed to the motto, and said to the man, "No sir, You haven't got a problem. You only have an opportunity."
The man smiled patiently at her and answered, "Well, you can call it whatever you like, but there's a young woman in the room I was given when I arrived twenty minutes ago."
