AMERI-THINK: To succeed in America, you have to be ‘cute’. This should be interpreted in its broadest sense, and is – in Ameri-minds – very nearly a Metaphysical concept. It refers not just to endearing children (though it helps to start early if you want to get the hang of it). Cute also means arresting, appealing, charismatic and satisfying. Spiritually, you are vibrating at the same frequency as Ameri-culture. This is the true meaning of success.
Anyone, anything, and any idea can be called cute – so the term is lavishly applied. New-born babies are cute, Doppler radar is cute, and so are Star Wars technology, raspberry popcorn, lots of sit-coms and selected restaurants. Even serious corporations can get cute. An astute American businesswoman called Meg decided to name her financial consultancy ‘Meg-a-bucks’.
‘Cute’ scratches a national itch. It describes everything you want someone (or something) to be. Cute is instant gratification, and wish-fulfilment. It has about it the delight of a fantasy-come-true. Presidents can be cute... virtually have to be video-cute in order to win. Many world leaders have drawn important lessons from this. The charm bred of gently self-mocking self-awareness – especially when deployed by public figures – is unstoppable. It works for the young, and for geriatrics. And if you’re cute enough, you can have anything. America is up for grabs.
BRIT-THINK: The importance of being cute is only dimly perceived by Brits. Most British politicos, though, have miles to go before they can be considered fully humanoid, never mind seductive and appealing. Neil Kinnock had instinctive charm and the potential to be cute... but Mrs T. had no self-awareness. Dr David Owen wasted a nice face since he was far too severe and brittle a personality to be cute. Livingstone was kinda cute, and nearly overplayed it. It would be hard to find senior politicians less cute than Norman Tebbit and Sir G.Howe. President Reagan knew how to be cute (and little else). Nixon knew everything else, but wasn’t a bit cute. Henry Kissinger could be cute-ish when he put his considerable mind to it.
Of course, it is possible to be well-known and successful without being cute. But latest scientifically-designed ‘cuteness-factor’ research shows than canny cuties surface faster – and get rich quicker. Here is the latest dip-stick poll on Anglo-American cuteness:
AMERI-CUTE: Liza Minelli and Drew Barrymore are cute. There are people who think John McEnroe is cute. There is no one who thinks Jimmy Connors is.
Bruce Springsteen does not like being considered ‘cute’, but when you are worth a hundred zillion dollars, you substitute cuteness for credibility.
BRIT-CUTE: The Queen and Prince Philip are far too grand to be ‘cute’ together in public. This is because they are not required to win elections. Cecil Parkinson was too cute for his own good. Terry Wogan is Irish and cute. Michael Aspel is English and cute. Clive James is Australian and cute, if you like it a touch vicious. Prince Charles is cute, ears notwithstanding. Could be even cuter if he’d let himself. If you are rich and Royal, it is nearly impossible not to be devastatingly cute....
Brits often dismiss cuteness as intellectually crass. It is merely another form of Ameri-hype, to which finer minds are immune. Brit-feelings run deeper.
But Brits shouldn’t feel smug. They have their own version of surrender to popular myth, and it is called ‘cosy-ness’. As a state of mind, it is just as inert and self-congratulatory as cuteness. It is wholesale, blanket satisfaction with all things British …a kind of institutionalised self-love.
If cuteness fills Ameri-hearts with optimism, so does cosiness arouse self-esteem in Brits. It promotes a sense of uniqueness, worth, and particular charm: ‘there are no others like us’, ‘Brit is Beautiful’, ‘Nobody Does It Better’. This conveniently reinforces the status quo, since cosiness contains no suggestion of the need for change.
Loving the Royal Family is fundamentally cosy. The two-week observance of Brit-Christmas is cosy. Gardening is cosy, forming orderly queues at the slightest provocation is cosy... (Brits pride themselves on waiting their turn in all things). Most news coverage is excruciatingly cosy, dwelling on the detritus of Brit-life at the expense of the larger international story. Island-think.
All this contributes to an exceptionally cosy self-image. Brits see themselves as well-behaved people; honourable, fair-minded and moderate. This in spite of years of class division, colonial rule, industrial strife and football hooliganism. Cosy ideas are those which support this perception - especially at the expense of other ‘less well-behaved’ nations.
