1. Youre asleep, but others worry that youre dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of you car/truck.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isnt breaking any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, Did I wake you?
13. You answer a question with, Because I said so.
14. You send money to PBS.
15. The end of your tie doesnt come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16. You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word equity means.
18. You cant remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20. You talk about good grass and youre referring to someones lawn.
21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23. You can go bowling without drinking.
24. You have a party and the neighbors dont even realize it.
25. People send you this list.
Reasons Why You Should Ask Your Boss For A Raise
10. You take your paycheck to the bank and the teller bursts out in hysterical laughter.
9. The Red Cross calls and offers you emergency assistance.
8. Your only charge cards are for the Salvation Army, ARC, and DAV thrift stores.
7. You work full time and you still qualify for food stamps.
6. You empty out your piggy bank and then cook the bank and serve it for your Easter ham.
5. All you can think about morning, noon and night is clipping grocery coupons.
4. You file your income taxes and the IRS returns them stamped, Charity Case Return to Sender.
3. You set the world record for mailing $1.00 rebate requests to Young America, Minnesota.
2. You pay all your bills, put your remaining $1 bill into your billfold and it goes into shock.
1. You get arrested for taking the coins out of the fountain in the mall.
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