With many mothers returning to work after the birth of their babies, fathers are becoming more actively involved in the rearing of children than ever before in American culture. In fact, six-month-old infants are generally just as attached to their fathers as they are to their mothers.
Although fathers are as good as mothers at such things as bottle-feeding, once the baby comes home, the mother is usually still the one who does most of the caregiving. Caregiving includes feeding, diapering, and bathing infants. So if men generally do not spend the time they have with their children in caregiving, what is it they do? Most fathers play and they are very good at it.
The way fathers play turns out to be very different from the way mothers play with their children. Whereas mothers usually use toys or word games, fathers tend to play in rough-and tumble way. They bounce and lift their children. They move their arms and legs. Psychologists have discovered that as infants grow, they come to prefer those sorts of games. By the time most children are 30 months old, they often are more cooperative, excited, and interested in play with their fathers than with their mothers.
But do fathers make a difference in the development of their children? They most certainly do. A fathers involvement has an effect in at least two major areas: social development and cognitive development. Socially, children whose fathers play with them tend to be more popular and have better relationships with their peers. During physical play with their fathers, children learn to figure out other peoples emotions and expressions and to regulate their own emotions. Therefore, fathers help teach them how to get along with their friends and other people. Children whose fathers are involved with them also generally grow up to be more empathic. Empathy is the ability to understand another persons point of view and imagine what that person might be feeling.
When it comes to cognitive development, a fathers influence is most noticeable in boys. If a boy has a close relationship with his father, he often does better at solving problems and taking cognitive tests.
Because of the influence fathers have on their childrens development, psychologists have argued that a parental leave of absence from work for fathers is very important. Other changes in the workplace, such as shorter workweek s and flexible hours, may make it easier for fathers to spend time with their children. In 1993, Congress passed the Family and Medical Leave Act. This legislation enables new parents to take 12 weeks of unpaid leave. Still, most fathers do not take advantages of this. Some of them simply cannot afford to go without pay for that long. Others may worry that their employers will think they are not committed enough to their jobs if they take time off.
This may change over time. In Sweden, where both parents are guaranteed parental leave, over 40 percent of fathers take time off from their jobs to be with their newborn children. In the 1970s this figure was only 2 percent.
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Abridged from Psychology
V. Think about the following. How might it benefit fathers to take an active role in rearing their children?
VI. To show how the concept of fatherhood has changed over time, interview a father who is over 50 years of age, and one who is under 30. Compile a list of questions that will elicit each fathers views on parenting. Possible questions: what is the ideal amount of time to spend with the children; whose responsibility is it to take a sick child to the doctor. Compare and contrast the two interviews in a brief report.
VII. Do you think a man needs to have any particular personality traits to choose to stay home with his children? Why or why not? What do you think are the most important factors in successfully reversing traditional gender roles concerning child care? The story of Philip Kramer can help you to find an answer.
On Wednesday, when Sarah is done watching Sesame Street, Philip Kramer usually buys fish for dinner, since the local aquarium store is near the fish market, Philip and Sarah usually stop in to look at the brightly coloured fish swimming in their green-blue tank. They are a familiar couple to most shopkeepers in the neighbourhood, known by sight if not by name Philip, a tall, barrel-chested man whose thick dark beard and balding head make him make him look older than thirty-three; Sarah, a small golden-haired girl who whisks along in a stroller or prances next to her fathers very deliberate stride. Today they have to stop at the bank to deposit the birthday money that Sarah has received from her grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The local branch of the Chase Manhattan has a large open hall with ropes along the sides to guide the customers efficiently into a waiting line.
Most mothers make their kids stand in line, says Philip. I let her run. She doesnt really bother anybody. Sarah wanders off to explore the surface of the smooth white stones that serve as a decorative base for the banks two potted plants.
A teenage girl sitting on a nearby bench watches Sarah for a while, then says, Wheres your mother?
Gail Kramer is in Room 208 at P.S. 83 in the Bronx, a good half hours subway ride away, teaching English to eleventh graders. It was what she did for six years before Sarah was bone, and is what she has done for the last two years since Philip resigned his position as a Legal Aid attorney to stay with Sarah, then a year old.
We just did it, we just agreed, offers Gail, indicating how natural it seemed to reverse roles. I love little kids, but I realized after a year that Im not the Earth Mother type. I really missed teaching, Philip, at that time, wanted to get some perspective on his job. Were pretty open about our lives. We never planned to do it for more than a year; we try to take things year by year. I dont see how you can plan much further than that.
The Kramers were, however, on what they call a ten-year plan. Translate: Philip didnt want to have children until after ten years of marriage. In fact, during the first year of Sarahs life, Philip didnt participate at all in the child care. He was literally a father who wouldnt change a diaper.
When Sarah was four months old, I started to take an African dance class on Monday nights, says Gail, and Philip was pretty anxious.
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With a law degree from Cornell and, ostensibly, not the least inclination to change a diaper, why did Philip Kramer take on full-time fatherhood?
I did it because it was the right thing to do, says Philip, I have a very strong sense of justice, and I realized how totally unjust Id been. Gail wanted to work. Why shouldnt she? The income difference between Gails salary as a public-school teacher and Philips as a Legal Aid attorney a few thousand dollars did not alter the situation. Ive never been the sort of person who believed in work. You work if you need money. We wont be rich, but we can live on Gails salary. Anyway, people have the wrong concept of a lawyer. They think it means someone in an office with clients, making money hand over fist; not someone who is trying to help poor people and who is drawing a salary.
The decision that one parent would stay home with Sarah was never really discussed; it was just assumed. This isnt upper west side of Manhattan, says Philip. Most people around here are very traditional. They yell a lot when theres no need to. Theyre always treating the kids as if they have less intelligence than they do. We like a strong-willed, self-assertive, self-directing kid. Somebody else might see that as demanding. What was I going to say to someone let her be free? What does that mean to another person?
Philip is now in his third year as a full-time father. Because he enjoyed the first year so much, he decided to try another, and then another. When Sarah is four, she will begin attending a day-care centre, and Philip Kramer will begin training in early childhood education at Columbia University Teachers College.
From Who Will Raise the Children? by James A. Levine
