1 The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant and the Submissive.
FUNDAMENTAL TERMS
2 The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and her limits safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits and her wellbeing.
3 The Dominant and the Submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing.
4 The Dominant and the Submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious or life‑threatening illnesses including but not limited to HIV, Her‑pes and Hepatitis. If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties.
5 Adherence to the above warranties, agreements and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 3 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach.
6 Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms set out in clauses 2‑5 above.
ROLES
7 The Dominant shall take responsibility for the wellbeing and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of the Submissive. He shall decide the nature of such training, guidance, and discipline and the time and place of its administration, subject to the agreed terms, limitations and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above.
8 If at any time the Dominant should fail to keep to the agreed terms, limitations and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above the Submissive is entitled to terminate this contract forthwith and to leave the service of the Dominant without notice.
9 Subject to that proviso and to clauses 2‑5 above the Submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance and discipline in whatever form it may take.
COMMENCEMENT AND TERM
10 The Dominant and Submissive enter into this contract on The Commencement Date fully aware of its nature and undertake to abide by its conditions without exception.
11 This contract shall be effective for a period of three Calendar Months from The Commencement Date (The Term). On the expiry of The Term the parties shall discuss whether this contract and the arrangements they have made under this contract are satisfactory and whether the needs of each party have been met. Either party may propose the extension of this contract subject to adjustments to its terms, or to the arrangements they have made under it. In the absence of agreement to such extension this contract shall terminate and both parties shall be free to resume their lives separately.
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AVAILABILITY
12 The Submissive will make herself available to the Dominant from Friday evenings through to Sunday afternoons each week during the Term at times to be specified by the Dominant (the Allotted Times). Further allocated time can be mutually agreed on an ad hoc basis.
13 The Dominant reserves the right to dismiss the Submissive from his service at any time and for any reason. The Submissive may request her release at any time, such request to be granted at the discretion of the Dominant subject only to the Submissives rights under clauses 2‑5 and 8 above.
LOCATION
14 The Submissive will make herself available during the Allotted Times and agreed additional times at locations to be determined by the Dominant. The Dominant will ensure that all travel costs incurred by the Submissive for that purpose are met by the Dominant.
SERVICE PROVISIONS
15 The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be ad‑hered to by both parties during the Term. Both parties accept that certain matters may arise which are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service provisions, or that certain matters may be renegotiated. In such circumstance further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment. Any further clauses or amendments must be agreed, documented and signed by both parties and shall be subject to the fundamental terms set out at clauses 2‑5 above.
DOMINANT
15.1 The Dominant shall make the Submissives health and safety a priority at all times. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow or demand the Submissive to participate at the hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to be unsafe. The Dominant will not undertake or permit to be undertaken any action which could cause serious injury or any risk to the Submissives life. The remaining sub‑clauses of this clause 15 are to be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 2‑5 above.
15.2 The Dominant accepts the Submissive as his, to own, control, dominate and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the Submissives body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.
15.3 The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with all necessary training and guidance in how to properly serve the Dominant.
15.4 The Dominant shall maintain a stable and safe environment in which the Submissive may perform her duties in service of the Dominant.
15.5 The Dominant may discipline the Submissive as necessary to ensure the Submissive fully appreciates her role of subservience to the Dominant and to discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog, spank, whip or corporally punish the Submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide.
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15.6 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent marks are made upon the Submissives body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical attention.
15.7 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline and the instruments used for the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such a way as to cause serious harm and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract.
15.8 In case of illness or injury the Dominant shall care for the Submissive, seeing to her health and safety, encouraging and when necessary ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the Dominant.
15.9 The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in order to maintain a risk‑free environment 15.10 The Dominant shall not loan his Submissive to another Dominant.
15.11 The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the Submissive at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times for any reason and for extended periods of time, giving due regard to the health and safety of the Submissive.
15.12 The Dominant will ensure that all equipment used for the purposes of training and discipline shall be maintained in a clean, hygienic and safe state at all times.
SUBMISSIVE
15.13 The Submissive accepts the Dominant as her master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term generally but specifically during the Allotted Times and any additional agreed allotted times.
15.14 The Submissive shall obey the rules (the Rules) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement.
15.15 The Submissive shall serve the Dominant in any way the Dominant sees fit and shall endeavor to please the Dominant at all times to the best of her ability.
15.16 The Submissive shall take all measures necessary to maintain her good health and shall request or seek medical attention whenever it is needed, keeping the Dominant informed at all times of any health issues that may arise.
15.17 The Submissive will ensure that she procures oral contraception and ensure that she takes it as and when prescribed to prevent any pregnancy.
15.18 The Submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times.
15.19 The Submissive shall not touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.
15.20 The Submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do without hesitation or argument.
15.21 The Submissive shall accept whippings, floggings, spankings, caning, paddling or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, enquiry or complaint.
15.22 The Submissive shall not look directly into the eyes of the Dominant except when specifically instructed to do so. The Submissive shall keep her eyes cast down and maintain a quiet and respectful bearing in the presence of the Dominant.
15.23 The Submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant and shall address him only as Sir, Mr. Grey, or such other title as the Dominant may direct.
15.24 The Submissive will not touch the Dominant without his express permission to do so.
ACTIVITIES
16 The Submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2.
17 The Dominant and the Submissive have discussed the activities set out in Appendix 3 and recorded in writing on Appendix 3 their agreement in respect of them.
SAFEWORDS
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18 The Dominant and the Submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the Submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm at the time the demands are made to the Submissive. In such circumstances related to this, the Submissive may make use of a safeword (The Safeword (s)). Two Safewords will be invoked depending on the severity of the demands.
19 The Safeword Yellow will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive is close to her limit of endurance.
20 The Safeword Red will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said the Dominants action will cease completely with immediate effect.
CONCLUSION
21 We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract.
We freely accept the terms of this contract and have acknowledged this by our signa‑tures below.
________________________
The Dominant: Christian Grey
Date
________________________
The Submissive: Anastasia Steele
Date
APPENDIX 1
RULES
Obedience:
The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities which are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.
Sleep:
The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of eight hours sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant.
Food:
The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and wellbeing from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.
Clothes:
During the Term the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant.
The Dominant will provide a clothing budget for the Submissive, which the Submissive shall utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires the Submissive shall during the Term wear adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and any other time the Dominant deems fit.
Exercise:
The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour‑long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive. The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissives progress.
Personal Hygiene/Beauty:
The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominants choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant, and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit. All costs will be met by the Dominant.
Personal Safety:
The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs or put herself in any unnecessary danger.
Personal Qualities:
The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant. The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant.
She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant.
Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by the Dominant.
APPENDIX 2
Hard Limits
No acts involving fire play
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No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof No acts involving needles, knives, cutting, piercing, or blood No acts involving gynecological medical instruments
No acts involving children or animals
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin
No acts involving breath control.
No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire or flames to the body.
APPENDIX 3
Soft Limits
To be discussed and agreed between both parties:
Which of the following sexual acts are acceptable to the Submissive?
Masturbation
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Vaginal intercourse
Vaginal fisting
Anal intercourse
Anal fisting
Is swallowing semen acceptable to the Submissive?
Is the use of sex toys acceptable to the Submissive?
Vibrators
Dildos
Butt Plugs
Other
Is Bondage acceptable to the Submissive?
Hands in front
Hands behind back
Ankles
Knees
Elbows
Wrists to ankles
Spreader bars
Tied to furniture
Blindfolding
Gagging
Bondage with Rope
Bondage with Tape
Bondage with leather cuffs
Suspension
Bondage with handcuffs/metal restraints
What is the Submissives general attitude about receiving pain? Where 1 is likes intensely and 5 is dislikes intensely: 1 2 3 4 5
How much pain does the submissive want to receive? Where 1 is none and 5 is severe: 1 2 3 4 5
Which of the following types of pain/punishment/discipline are acceptable to the Submissive?
Spanking
Paddling
Whipping
Caning
Biting
Nipple clamps
Genital clamps
Ice
Hot wax
Other types/methods of pain
Holy Fuck. I cant bring myself to even consider the food list. I swallow hard, my mouth dry, and read it again.
My head is buzzing. How can I possibly agree to all this? And apparently its for my benefit, to explore my sensuality, my limits safely oh please! I scoff angrily. Serve and obey in all things. All Things! I shake my head in disbelief. Actually, doesnt the marriage ceremony use those words obey? This throws me. Do couples still say that? Only three months, is that why there have been so many? He doesnt keep them for long? Or have they had enough after three months? Every weekend? Thats too much. Ill never see Kate or whatever friends I may make at my new job provided I get one. Perhaps I should have one weekend a month to myself. Perhaps when I have my period, that sounds practical.
Hes my master! To be dealt with as he pleases! Holy shit.
I shudder at the thought of being flogged or whipped. Spanking probably wouldnt be so bad, humiliating though. And tied up? Well he did tie my hands together. That was
well it was hot, really hot, so perhaps that wont be so bad. He wont loan me to another Dominant damn right he wont. That would be totally unacceptable. Why am I even thinking about this?
I cant look him in the eye. How weird is that? The only way I ever have any chance to see what hes thinking. Actually, whom am I kidding, I never know what hes thinking, but I like looking into his eyes. He has beautiful eyes captivating, intelligent, deep and dark, dark with dominant secrets. I recall his burning smoky gaze and press my thighs together, squirming.
And I cant touch him. Well, no surprise there. And these silly rules No, no I cant do this. I put my head in my hands. This is no way to have a relationship. I need some sleep. Im shattered. All the physical shenanigans Ive been engaged in over the last twenty‑four hours have been, frankly, exhausting. And mentally oh man, this is so much to take on board. As José would say, a real mind‑fuck. Perhaps in the morning, this might not read like a bad joke.
I scramble up and change quickly. Perhaps I should borrow Kates pink flannel pajamas. I want something cuddly and reassuring around me. I head to the bathroom in my t‑shirt and sleep shorts and brush my teeth.
I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. You cant seriously be considering this
My subconscious sounds sane and rational, not her usual snarky self. My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five‑year‑old. Please, lets do this
otherwise well end up alone with lots of cats and your classic novels to keep you company.
The only man Ive ever been attracted to, and he comes with a bloody contract, a flogger, and a whole world of issues. Well, at least I got my way this weekend. My inner goddess stops jumping and smiles serenely. Oh yes she mouths, nodding at me smugly.
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I flush at the memory of his hands and his mouth on me, his body inside mine. Closing my eyes, I feel the familiar delicious pull of my muscles from deep, deep down. I want to do that again and again. Maybe if I just sign up for the sex would he go with that? I suspect not.
Am I submissive? Maybe I come across that way. Maybe I misled him in the interview. Im shy, yes but submissive? I let Kate bully me is that the same? And those soft limits, jeez. My mind boggles, but Im reassured that they are up for discussion.
I wander back to my bedroom. This is too much to think about. I need a clear head a fresh morning approach to the problem. I put the offending documents back in my satchel.
Tomorrow tomorrow is another day. Clambering into bed, I switch off the light and lie staring up at the ceiling. Oh, I wish Id never met him. My inner goddess shakes her head at me. She and I know its a lie. I have never felt as alive as I do now.
I close my eyes, and I drift into a heavy sleep with occasional dreams of four‑poster beds and shackles and intense gray eyes.
Kate wakes me the next day.
Ana, Ive been calling you. You must have been out cold. My eyes reluctantly open. Shes not just up shes been for a run. I glance at my alarm. Its eight in the morning. Holy Moses, Ive slept for a solid nine hours.
What is it? I mumble sleepily.
Theres a man here with a delivery for you. You have to sign for it.
What?
Come on. Its big. It looks interesting. She hops from foot to foot excitedly and bounds back into the living area. I clamber out of bed and grab my dressing gown hanging on the back of my door. A smart young man with a ponytail is standing in our living room clasping a large box.
Hi, I mumble.
Ill make you some tea. Kate scuttles off to the kitchen.
Miss Steele?
And I immediately know whom the parcel is from.
Yes, I answer cautiously.
I have a package for you here, but I have to set it up and show you how to use it.
Really? At this time?
Only following orders, maam. He smiles in a charming but professional hes‑not‑taking‑any‑crap way.
Did he just call me maam? Have I aged ten years overnight? If I have, its that contract. My mouth puckers in disgust.
Okay, what is it?
Its a MacBook Pro.
Of course it is. I roll my eyes.
These arent available in the shops yet, maam, the very latest from Apple. How come that does not surprise me? I sigh heavily.
Just set it up on the dining table over there.
I wander into the kitchen to join Kate.
What is it? she says inquisitive, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Shes slept well too.
Its a laptop from Christian.
Whys he sent you a laptop? You know you can use mine, she frowns.
Not for what he has in mind.
Oh, its only on loan. He wanted me to try it out. My excuse sounds feeble. But Kate nods her assent. Oh my I have hoodwinked Katherine Kavanagh. A first. She hands me my tea.
The Mac laptop is sleek and silver and rather beautiful. It has a very large screen.
Christian Grey likes scale I think of his living area, in fact, his whole apartment.
Its got the latest OS and a full suite of programs, plus a one‑point‑five terabyte hard drive so youll have plenty of room, thirty‑two gigs of RAM what are you planning to use it for?
Uh email.
Email! he chokes, bemused, raising his eyebrows with a slightly sick look on his face.And maybe Internet research? I shrug apologetically.
He sighs.
Well, this has full wireless N, and Ive set it up with your Me account details. This baby is all ready to go, practically anywhere on the planet. He looks longingly at it.
Me account?
Your new email address.
I have an email address?
He points to an icon on the screen and continues to talk at me but its like white noise.
I havent got a clue what hes saying, and in all honestly, Im not interested. Just tell me how to switch it on and off Ill figure out the rest. After all, Ive been using Kates for four years. Kate whistles, impressed when she sees it.
This is next‑generation tech. She raises her eyebrows at me. Most women get flowers or maybe jewelry, she says suggestively, trying to suppress a smile.
I scowl at her but cant keep a straight face. We both burst into a fit of giggles, and computer man gapes at us, bemused. He finishes up and asks me to sign the delivery note.
As Kate shows him out, I sit with my cup of tea, open the email program, and sitting there waiting for me is an email from Christian. My heart leaps into my mouth. I have an email from Christian Grey. Nervously, I open it.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your New Computer
Date: May 22 2011 23:15
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
I trust you slept well. I hope that you put this laptop to good use, as discussed.
I look forward to dinner, Wednesday.
Happy to answer any questions before then, via email, should you so desire.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I hit reply.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Your New Computer (on loan)
Date: May 23 2011 08:20
To: Christian Grey
I slept very well thank you for some strange reason Sir.
I understood that this computer was on loan, ergo not mine.
Ana
Almost instantaneously there is a response.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your New Computer (on loan)
Date: May 23 2011 08:22
To: Anastasia Steele
The computer is on loan. Indefinitely, Miss Steele.
I note from your tone that you have read the documentation I gave you.
Do you have any questions so far?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I cant help but grin.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Enquiring Minds
Date: May 23 2011 08:25
To: Christian Grey
I have many questions, but not suitable for email, and some of us have to work for a living.
I do not want or need a computer indefinitely.
Until later, good day. Sir.
Ana
His reply again is instant, and it makes me smile.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your New Computer (again on loan)
Date: May 23 2011 08:26
To: Anastasia Steele
Laters, baby.
PS: I work for a living too.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I shut the computer down, grinning like an idiot. How can I resist playful Christian? I am going to be late for work. Well, it is my last week Mr. and Mrs. Clayton will probably cut me some slack. I race into the shower, unable to shake my face‑splitting grin. He emailed me. Im like a small, giddy child. And all the contract angst fades. As I wash my hair, I try and think what I could possibly ask him via email. Surely its better to talk these things through. Suppose someone hacked into his account? I flush at the thought. I dress quickly, shout a hasty goodbye to Kate, and Im off to work my last week at Claytons.
José phones at eleven.
Hey, are we doing coffee? He sounds like the old José. José my friend, not a what did Christian call him? Suitor. Ugh.
Sure. Im at work. Can you make it here for say twelve?
See you then.
He hangs up, and I go back to restocking the paintbrushes and thinking about Christian Grey and his contract.
José is punctual. He comes bounding into the shop like a gamboling dark‑eyed puppy.
Ana, he smiles his dazzling toothy all‑Hispanic‑American smile, and I cant be angry with him anymore.
Hi José. I hug him. Im starving. Ill just let Mrs. Clayton know Im going for lunch.
As we stroll to the local coffee shop, I slip my arm through Josés. Im so grateful for his
normality. Someone I know and understand.
Hey Ana, he murmurs. Youve really forgiven me?
José, you know I can never stay mad at you for long. He grins.
I cant wait to get home. The lure of emailing Christian, and maybe I can begin my research project. Kate is out somewhere, so I fire up the new laptop and open my email. Sure enough, theres an email from Christian sitting in the inbox. Im practically bouncing out of my seat with glee.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Working for a living
Date: May 23 2011 17:24
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
I do hope you had a good day at work.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I hit reply.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Working for living
Date: May 23 2011 17:48
To: Christian Grey
Sir I had a very good day at work.
Thank you.
Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Do The Work!
Date: May 23 2011 17:50
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele
Delighted you had a good day.
While you are emailing, you are not researching.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Nuisance
Date: May 23 2011 17:53
To: Christian Grey
Mr. Grey, stop emailing me, and I can start my assignment.
Id like another A.
Ana
I hug myself.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Impatient
Date: May 23 2011 17:55
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele
Stop emailing me and do your assignment.
Id like to award another A.
The first one was so well deserved.;)
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
Christian Grey just sent me a winking smiley Oh my. I fire up Google.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Internet Research
Date: May 23 2011 17:59
To: Christian Grey
Mr. Grey
What would you suggest I put into a search engine?
Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Internet Research
Date: May 23 2011 18:02
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele
Always start with Wikipedia.
No more emails unless you have questions. Understood?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Bossy!
Date: May 23 2011 18:04
To: Christian Grey
Yes Sir.
You are so bossy.
Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: In Control
Date: May 23 2011 18:06
To: Anastasia Steele
Anastasia, you have no idea.
Well, maybe an inkling now.
Do the work.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I type Submissive into Wikipedia.
Half an hour later, I feel slight queasy and frankly shocked to my core. Do I really want this stuff in my head? Jeez is this what he gets up to in the Red Room of Pain? I sit staring at the screen, and part of me, a very moist and integral part of me that Ive only become acquainted with very recently, is seriously turned on. Oh my, some of this stuff is HOT. But is it for me? Holy shit could I do this? I need space. I need to think.
For the first time in my life, I voluntarily go for a run. I find my nasty, never‑used sneakers, some sweat pants, and a t‑shirt. I put my hair in pigtails, blushing at the memories they bring back, and I plug in my iPod. I cant sit in front of that marvel of technology and look at or read any more disturbing material. I need to expend some of this excess, enervating, energy. Quite frankly, I have a mind to run to the Heathman hotel and just demand sex from the control freak. But thats five miles, and I dont think Ill be able to run one mile, let alone five, and of course, he might turn me down which would be beyond humiliating.
Kate is walking from her car as I head out of the door. She nearly drops her shopping when she sees me. Ana Steele in sneakers. I wave and dont stop for the inquisition. I need some serious alone time. Snow Patrol blaring in my ears, I set off into the opal and aquamarine dusk.
I pace through the park. What am I going to do? I want him, but on his terms? I just dont know. Perhaps I should negotiate what I want. Go through that ridiculous contract line by line and say what is acceptable and what isnt. My research has told me that legally its unenforceable. He must know that. I figure that it just sets up the parameters of the relationship. It illustrates what I can expect from him and what he expects from me my total submission. Am I prepared to give him that? Am I even capable?
I am plagued by one question ‑ why is he like this? Is it because he was seduced at such a young age? I just dont know. Hes still such a mystery.
I stop beside a large spruce and put my hands on my knees, breathing hard, dragging precious air into my lungs. Oh, this feels good, cathartic. I can feel my resolve hardening.
Yes. I need to tell him whats okay and what isnt. I need to email him my thoughts, and then we can discuss these on Wednesday. I take a deep cleansing breath, then jog back to the apartment.
Kate has been shopping, as only she can, for clothes for her holiday to Barbados.
Mainly bikinis and matching sarongs. She will look fabulous in all of them, yet she still makes me sit and comment while she tries on each and every one. There are only so many ways one can say you look fabulous Kate. She has a curvy, slim figure to die for. She doesnt do it on purpose, I know, but I haul my sorry, perspiration clad, old t‑shirt, sweat pants, and sneakers ass into my room on the pretext of packing more boxes. Could I feel any more inadequate? Taking the awesome free technology with me, I set the laptop up on my desk. I email Christian.
__________________________________________________________________
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Shocked of WSUV
Date: May 23 2011 20:33
To: Christian Grey
Okay, Ive seen enough.
It was nice knowing you.
Ana
I press send, hugging myself, laughing at my little joke. Will he find it as funny? Oh shit
probably not. Christian Grey is not famed for his sense of humor. But I know it exists, Ive experienced it. Perhaps Ive gone too far. I wait for his answer.
I wait and wait. I glance at my alarm clock. Ten minutes have passed.
To distract myself from the anxiety that blooms in my belly, I start doing what I told Kate I would be doing packing up my room. I begin by cramming my books into a crate.
By nine, Ive heard nothing. Perhaps hes out. I pout petulantly as I plug my iPod ear buds in, listen to Snow Patrol, and sit down at my small desk to re‑read the contract and make my comments.
I dont know why I glance up, maybe I catch a slight movement from the corner of my eye, I dont know, but when I do, hes standing in the doorway of my bedroom watching me intently. Hes wearing his grey flannel pants and a white linen shirt, gently twirling his car keys. I pull my ear buds out and freeze. Fuck!
Good evening, Anastasia. His voice is cool, his expression completely guarded and unreadable. The capacity to speak deserts me. Damn Kate for letting him in here with no warning. Vaguely, Im aware that Im still in my sweats, un‑showered, yucky, and hes just gloriously yummy, his pants doing that hanging from the hips thing, and whats more, hes here in my bedroom.
I felt that your email warranted a reply in person, he explains dryly.
I open my mouth and then close it again, twice. The joke is on me. Never in this or any alternative universe did I expect him to drop everything and turn up here.
May I sit? he asks, his eyes now dancing with humor thank heavens maybe hell see the funny side?
I nod. The power of speech remains elusive. Christian Grey is sitting on my bed.
I wondered what your bedroom would look like, he says.
I glance around it, plotting an escape route, no theres still only the door or window.
My room is functional but cozy sparse white wicker furniture and a white iron double bed with a patchwork quilt, made by my mother when she was in her folksy American quilting phase. Its all pale blue and cream.
Its very serene and peaceful in here, he murmurs. Not at the moment not with you here. Finally, my medulla oblongata recalls its purpose, I breathe.
How?
He smiles at me.
Im still at the Heathman.
I know that.
Would you like a drink? Politeness wins out over everything else Id like to say.
No, thank you, Anastasia. He smiles a dazzling, crooked smile, his head cocked slightly to one side.
Well, I might need one.
So, it was nice knowing me?
Holy cow, is he offended? I stare down at my fingers. How am I going to dig myself out of this? If I tell him it was a joke, I dont think hell be impressed.
I thought youd reply by email. My voice is small, pathetic.
Are you biting your lower lip deliberately? he asks darkly.
I blink up at him, gasping, freeing my lip.
I wasnt aware I was biting my lip, I murmur softly.
My heart is pounding. I can feel that pull, that delicious electricity between us charging, filling the space between us with static. Hes sitting so close to me, his eyes dark smoky gray, his elbows resting on his knees, his legs apart. Leaning forward, he slowly undoes one of my pigtails, his fingers freeing my hair. My breathing is shallow, and I cannot move. I watch hypnotized as his hand moves to my second pigtail, and pulling the hair tie, he loosens the braid with his long, skilled fingers.
So you decided on some exercise, he breathes, his voice soft and melodious. His fingers gently tuck my hair behind my ear. Why, Anastasia? His fingers circle my ear, and very softly, he tugs my earlobe, rhythmically. Its so sexual.
I needed time to think, I whisper. Im all rabbit/headlights, moth/flame, bird/snake
and he knows exactly what hes doing to me.
Think about what, Anastasia?
You.
And you decided that it was nice knowing me? Do you mean knowing me in the biblical sense?
Oh shit. I flush.
I didnt think you were familiar with the Bible.
I went to Sunday School, Anastasia. It taught me a great deal.
I dont remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible. Perhaps you were taught from a modern translation.
His lips arch with a trace of a smile, and my eyes are drawn to his beautiful sculptured mouth.
Well, I thought I should come and remind you how nice it was knowing me. Holy crap. I stare at him open mouthed, and his fingers move from my ear to my chin.
What do you say to that, Miss Steele?
His gray eyes blaze at me, his challenge intrinsic in his stare. His lips are parted hes waiting, coiled to strike. Desire acute, liquid and smoldering, combusts deep in my belly.
I take pre‑emptive action and launch myself at him. Somehow he moves, I have no idea how, and in the blink of an eye Im on the bed pinned beneath him, my arms stretched out and held above my head, his free hand clutching my face, and his mouth finds mine.
His tongue is in my mouth, claiming and possessing me, and I revel in the force he uses. I feel him against the length of my body. He wants me, and this does strange, delicious things to my insides. Not Kate in her little bikinis, not one of the fifteen, not evil Mrs. Robinson. Me. This beautiful man wants me. My inner goddess glows so bright she could light up Portland. He stops kissing me, and opening my eyes, I find him gazing down at me.
Trust me? he breathes.
I nod, wide‑eyed, my heart bouncing off my ribs, my blood thundering around my body.He reaches down, and from his pants pocket, he takes out his silver grey silk tie that silver grey woven tie that leaves small impressions of its weave on my skin. He moves so quickly, sitting astride me as he fastens my wrists together, but this time, he ties the other end of the tie to one of the spokes of my white iron headboard. He pulls at my binding checking its secure. Im not going anywhere. Im tied, literally, to my bed, and Im so aroused.
He slides off me and stands beside the bed, staring down at me, his eyes dark with want. His look is triumphant, mixed with relief.
Thats better, he murmurs and smiles a wicked, knowing smile. He bends and starts undoing one of my sneakers. Oh no no my feet. No. Ive just been running.
No, I protest, trying to kick him off.
He stops.
If you struggle, Ill tie your feet too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you.
Keep quiet. Katherine is probably outside listening right now. Gag me! Kate! I shut up.
He removes my shoes and my socks efficiently and slowly peels off my sweat pants.
Oh what panties am I wearing? He lifts me and pulls the quilt and my duvet out from underneath me and places me back down, this time on the sheets.
Now then. He licks his bottom lip slowly. Youre biting that lip, Anastasia. You know the effect it has on me. He places his long index finger over my mouth, a warning.
Oh my. I can barely contain myself, lying helpless, watching him move gracefully around my room, its a heady aphrodisiac. Slowly, almost leisurely, he removes his shoes and socks, undoes his pants, and lifts his shirt off over his head.
I think youve seen too much, he chuckles slyly. He sits astride me again, pulls my t‑shirt up, and I think hes going to take it off me, but he rolls it up to my neck and then pulls it up over my head so he can see my mouth and my nose, but it covers my eyes. And because its folded over I cannot see a thing through it.
Mmm, he breathes appreciatively. This just gets better and better. Im going to get a drink.
Leaning down, he kisses me, his lips tender against mine, and his weight shifts off the bed. I hear the quiet creak of the bedroom door. Get a drink. Where? Here? Portland?
Seattle? I strain to hear him. I can make out low rumblings, and I know hes talking to Kate oh no hes practically naked. Whats she going to say? I hear a faint popping sound. Whats that? He returns, the door creaking once more, his feet padding across the bedroom floor, and ice tinkling against glass as it swirls in liquid. What kind of drink? He shuts the door and shuffles around removing his pants. They drop to the floor, and I know hes naked. He sits astride me again.
Are you thirsty, Anastasia? he asks, his voice teasing
Yes, I breathe, because my mouth is suddenly parched. I hear the ice clink against the glass, and he puts it down again and leans down and kisses me, pouring a delicious crisp, liquid into my mouth as he does. Its white wine. Its so unexpected, hot, though its chilled, and Christians lips are cool.
More? he whispers.
I nod. It tastes all the more divine because its been in his mouth. He leans down, and I drink another mouthful from his lips oh my.
Lets not go too far, we know your capacity for alcohol is limited, Anastasia. I cant help it. I grin, and he leans down to deliver another delicious mouthful. He shifts so hes lying beside me, his erection at my hip. Oh, I want him inside me.
Is this nice? he asks, but I hear the edge in his voice.
I tense. He moves the glass again and leans down, kissing me and depositing a small shard of ice in my mouth with a little wine. He slowly and leisurely trails chilled kisses down the center of my body, from the base of my throat, between my breasts, down my torso, and to my belly. He pops a fragment of ice in my navel in a pool of cool, cold wine.
It burns all the way down to the depths of my belly. Wow.
Now you have to keep still, he whispers. If you move, Anastasia, youll get wine all over the bed.
My hips flex automatically.
Oh no. If you spill the wine, I will punish you, Miss Steele. I groan and desperately fight the urge to tilt my hips, pulling on my restraint. Oh no
please.
With one finger, he pulls down my bra cups in turn, my breasts pushed up, exposed and vulnerable. Leaning down, he kisses and tugs at each of my nipples in turn with cool, cold lips. I fight my body as it tries to arch in response.
How nice is this? he breathes, blowing on one of my nipples.
I hear another clink of ice, and then I can feel it round my right nipple as he tugs the left one with his lips. I moan, struggling not to move. Its sweet, agonizing torture.
If you spill the wine, I wont let you come,
Oh please Christian Sir Please. Hes driving me insane. I hear him smile.
The ice in my navel is melting. I am beyond warm warm and chilled and wanting.
Wanting him, inside me. Now.
His cool fingers trail languidly across my belly. My skin is oversensitive, my hips flex automatically, and the now warmer liquid from my navel seeps over my belly. Christian moves quickly, lapping it up with his tongue, kissing, biting me softly, sucking.
Oh dear, Anastasia, you moved. What am I going to do to you? Im panting loudly. All I can concentrate on is his voice and his touch. Nothing else is real. Nothing else matters, nothing else registers on my radar. His fingers slip into my panties, and Im rewarded with his unguarded sharp intake of air.
Oh, baby, he murmurs and he pushes two fingers inside me.
I gasp.
Ready for me so soon, he says. He moves his fingers tantalizingly slowly, in, out, and I push against him, tilting my hips up.
You are a greedy girl, he scolds softly, and his thumb circles my clitoris and then presses down.
I groan loudly as my body bucks beneath his expert fingers. He reaches up and pushes the t‑shirt over my head so I can see him as I blink in the soft light of my sidelight. I long to touch him.
I want to touch you, I breathe.
I know, he murmurs. He leans down and kisses me, his fingers still moving rhythmically inside me, his thumb circling and pressing. His other hand scoops my hair off my head and holds my head in place. His tongue mirrors the actions of his fingers, claiming me. My legs begin to stiffen as I push against his hand. He gentles his hand, so Im brought back from the brink. He does this again and again. Its so frustrating Oh please Christian, I scream in my head.
This is your punishment, so close and yet so far. Is this nice? he breathes in my ear.
I whimper, exhausted, pulling against my restraint. Im helpless, lost in an erotic torment.
Please, I beg, and he finally takes pity on me.
How shall I fuck you, Anastasia?
Oh my body starts to quiver. He stills again.
Please.
What do you want, Anastasia?
You now, I cry.
Shall I fuck you this way, or this way, or this way? Theres an endless choice, he breathes against my lips. He withdraws his hand and reaches over to the bedside table for a foil packet. He kneels up between my legs, and very slowly he pulls my panties off, staring down at me, his eyes gleaming. He puts on the condom. I watch fascinated, mesmerized.
How nice is this? he says as he strokes himself.
I meant it as a joke, I whimper. Please fuck me, Christian.
He raises his eyebrows as his hand moves up and down his impressive length.
A joke? His voice is menacingly soft.
Yes. Please, Christian, I beseech him.
Are you laughing now?
No, I mewl.
I am just one ball of sexual, tense, need. He stares down at me for a moment, measur‑ing my need, then he grabs me suddenly and flips me over. It takes me by surprise, and because my hands are tied, I have to support myself on my elbows. He pushes both my knees up the bed so my behind is in the air, and he slaps me hard. Before I can react, he plunges inside me. I cry out from the slap and from his sudden assault, and I come instantly again and again, falling apart beneath him as he continues to slam deliciously into me. He doesnt stop. Im spent. I cant take this and he pounds on and on and on... then Im building again surely not no
Come on, Anastasia, again, he growls through clenched teeth, and unbelievably, my body responds, convulsing around him as I climax anew, calling out his name. I shatter again into tiny fragments, and Christian stills, finally letting go, silently finding his release.
He collapses on top of me, breathing hard.
How nice was that? he asks through his gritted teeth.
Oh my.
I lie panting and spent on the bed, eyes closed as he slowly pulls out of me. He rises immediately and dresses. When hes fully clothed, he climbs back on the bed and gently undoes his tie and pulls my t‑shirt off. I flex my fingers and rub my wrists, smiling at the woven pattern imprinted on my wrists from the tie. I re‑adjust my bra as he pulls the duvet and quilt over me. I stare up at him completely dazed, and he smirks down at me.
That was really nice, I whisper, smiling coyly.
Theres that word again.
You dont like that word?
No. It doesnt do it for me at all.
Oh I dont know it seems to have a very beneficial effect on you.
Im a beneficial effect, now am I? Could you wound my ego any further, Miss Steele?
I dont think theres anything wrong with your ego. But even as I say it, I dont feel the conviction of my words ‑ something elusive crosses my mind, a fleeting thought, but its lost before I can grasp it.
You think? His voice is soft. Hes lying beside me, fully clothed, his head propped up on his elbow, and I am only wearing my bra.
Why dont you like to be touched?
I just dont. He reaches over and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. So, that email was your idea of a joke.
I smile apologetically at him and shrug.
I see. So you are still considering my proposition?
Your indecent proposal yes I am. I have issues though. He grins down at me as if relieved.
Id be disappointed if you didnt.
I was going to email them to you, but you kind of interrupted me.
Coitus Interruptus.
See, I knew you had a sense of humor somewhere in there. I smile.
Only certain things are funny, Anastasia. I thought you were saying no, no discussion at all. His voice drops.
I dont know yet. I havent made up my mind. Will you collar me? He raises his eyebrows.
You have been doing your research. I dont know, Anastasia. Ive never collared anyone.
Oh should I be surprised by this? I know so little about the scene I dont know.
Were you collared? I whisper.
Yes.
By Mrs. Robinson?
Mrs. Robinson! he laughs loudly, freely, and he looks so young and carefree, his head thrown back, his laughter infectious.
I grin back at him.
Ill tell her you said that, shell love it.
You still talk to her regularly? I cant keep the shock out of my voice.
Yes. Hes serious now.
Oh and part of me is suddenly insanely jealous Im disturbed by the depth of my feeling.
I see. My voice is tight. So you have someone you can discuss your alternative lifestyle with, but Im not allowed.
He frowns.
I dont think Ive ever thought about it like that. Mrs. Robinson was part of that lifestyle. I told you, shes a good friend now. If youd like, I can introduce you to one of my former subs, you could talk to her.
What? Is he deliberately trying to upset me?
Is this your idea of a joke?
No, Anastasia. Hes bemused as he shakes his head earnestly.
No Ill do this on my own, thank you very much, I snap at him, pulling the duvet up to my chin.
He stares at me, at sea, surprised.
Anastasia, I Hes lost for words. A first, I think. I didnt mean to offend you.
Im not offended. Im appalled.
Appalled?
I dont want to talk to one of your ex‑girlfriends slave sub whatever you call them.
Anastasia Steele are you jealous?
I flush, crimson.
Are you staying?
I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow at the Heathman. Besides, I told you, I dont sleep with girlfriends, slaves, subs, or anyone. Friday and Saturday night were exceptions.
It wont happen again. I can hear the resolve behind his soft, husky voice.
I purse my lips at him.
Well Im tired now.
Are you kicking me out? He raises his eyebrows at me, amused and a little dismayed.
Yes.
Well thats another first. He eyes me speculatively. So nothing you want to discuss now? About the contract.
No. I reply petulantly.
God, Id like to give you a good hiding. Youd feel a lot better, and so would I.
You cant say things like that I havent signed anything yet.
A man can dream, Anastasia. He leans over me and grasps my chin. Wednesday? he murmurs, and he kisses me lightly on my lips.
Wednesday, I agree. Ill see you out. If you give me a minute. I sit up and grab my t‑shirt, pushing him out of the way. Amused and reluctant, he gets up off the bed.
Please pass me my sweat pants.
He collects them from the floor and hands them to me.
Yes, maam. Hes trying unsuccessfully to hide his smile.
I narrow my eyes at him as I slip the pants on. My hair is a state, and I know Ill have to face the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition after hes gone. Grabbing a hair tie, I walk to my bedroom door, opening it slightly checking for Kate. She is not in the living area. I think I can hear her on the phone in her room. Christian follows me out. During the short walk from bedroom to front door, my thoughts and feelings ebb and flow, transforming. Im no longer angry with him, I feel suddenly unbearably shy. I dont want him to go. For the first time, Im wishing he was normal wanting a normal relationship that doesnt need a ten‑page agreement, a flogger, and karabiners in his playroom ceiling.
I open the door for him and stare down at my hands. This is the first time I have ever had sex in my home, and as sex goes, I think it was pretty damn fine. But now I feel like a receptacle an empty vessel to be filled at his whim. My subconscious shakes her head.
You wanted to run to the Heathman for sex you had it express‑delivered. She crosses her arms and taps her foot with a what‑are‑you‑complaining‑about‑look on her face. Christian stops in the doorway and clasps my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. His brow creases slightly.
You okay? he asks tenderly as his thumb lightly caresses my bottom lip.
Yes. I reply, though in all honesty Im just not sure. I feel a paradigm shift. I know that if I do this thing with him, I will get hurt. Hes not capable, interested, or willing to offer me any more and I want more. Much more. The surge of jealousy I felt only moments ago tells me that I have deeper feelings for him than I have admitted to myself.
Wednesday, he confirms, and he leans forward and kisses me softly. Something changes while hes kissing me, his lips grow more urgent against mine, his hand moves up from my chin and hes holding the side of my head, his other hand on the other side. His breathing accelerates. He deepens the kiss, leaning into me. I put my hands on his arms.
I want to run them through his hair, but I resist, knowing that he wont like it. He leans his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, his voice strained.
Anastasia, he whispers. What are you doing to me?
I could say the same to you, I whisper back.
Taking a deep breath, he kisses my forehead and leaves. He strolls purposefully down the path towards his car as he runs his hand through his hair. Glancing up as he opens his car door, he smiles his breathtaking smile. My answering smile is weak, completely dazzled by him, and Im reminded once more of Icarus soaring too close to the Sun. I close the front door as he climbs into his sporty car. I have an overwhelming urge to cry, a sad and lonely melancholy grips and tightens round my heart. Dashing back to my bedroom, I close the door and lean against it trying to rationalize my feelings. I cant. Sliding to the floor, I put my head in my hands as my tears begin to flow.
Kate knocks gently.
Ana? she whispers. I open the door. She takes one look at me and throws her arms around me.
Whats wrong? What did that creepy good‑looking bastard do?
Oh Kate, nothing I didnt want him to.
She pulls me to my bed and we sit.
You have dreadful sex hair.
In spite of my poignant sadness, I laugh.
It was good sex, not dreadful at all.
Kate smiles.
Thats better. Why are you crying? You never cry. She retrieves my brush from the side table, and sitting behind me, very slowly starts brushing out the knots.
I just dont think our relationship is going to go anywhere. I stare down at my fingers.
I thought you said you were going to see him on Wednesday?
I am, that was our original plan.
So, why did he turn up here today?
I sent him an email.
Asking him to drop by?
No, saying I didnt want to see him anymore.
And he turns up? Ana, thats genius.
Actually it was a joke.
Oh. Now Im really confused.
Patiently, I explain the essence of my email without giving anything away.
So you thought hed reply by email.
Yes.
But instead he turns up here.
Yes.
Id say hes completely smitten with you.
I frown. Christian, smitten with me? Hardly. Hes just looking for a new toy a convenient new toy that he can bed and do unspeakable things to. My heart tightens painfully.
This is the reality.
He came here to fuck me, thats all.
Who said romance was dead? she whispers horrified. Ive shocked Kate. I didnt think that was possible. I shrug apologetically.
He uses sex as a weapon.
Fuck you into submission? She shakes her head disapprovingly. I blink rapidly at her, and I can feel the blush as it spreads across my face. Oh spot on, Katherine Kavanagh, Pulitzer Prize‑winning journalist.
Ana, I dont understand, you just let him make love to you?
No, Kate, we dont make love we fuck Christians terminology. He doesnt do the love thing.
I knew there was something weird about him. He has commitment issues. I nod, as if in agreement. Inwardly, I pine. Oh Kate... I wish I could tell you everything, everything about this strange, sad, kinky guy, and you could tell me to forget about him. Stop me from being a fool.
I guess its all a little overwhelming, I murmur. Thats the understatement of the year. Because I dont want to talk about Christian any more, I ask her about Elliot. Katherines whole demeanor changes at the mere mention of his name, she lights up from within, beaming at me.
Hes coming over early Saturday to help load up. She hugs the hairbrush, boy has she got it bad, and I feel a familiar faint stab of envy. Kate has found herself a normal man, and she looks so happy.
I turn and hug her.
Oh, I meant to say. Your dad called while you were err, occupied. Apparently Bob has sustained some injury, so your mom and he cant make graduation. But your dad will be here Thursday. He wants you to call.
Oh... my mom never called me. Is Bob okay?
Yes. Call her in the morning. Its late
