Mrs. Grey, please.
Taylor. You cannot keep me from my son.
Mrs. Grey, hes not alone.
What do you mean hes not alone?
He has someone with him.
Oh Even I hear the disbelief in her voice.
Christian blinks rapidly, staring down at me, wide‑eyed with humored horror.
Shit! Its my mother.
He pulls out of me suddenly. I wince. He sits up on the bed and throws the used condom in a wastebasket.
Come on, we need to get dressed thats if you want to meet my mother. He grins, leaps up off the bed, and pulls on his jeans, no underwear! I struggle to sit up as Im still tethered.
Christian ‑ I cant move.
His grin widens, and leaning down, he undoes the tie. The woven pattern has made an indented pattern around my wrists. Its sexy. He gazes at me. Hes amused, his eyes dancing with mirth. He kisses my forehead quickly and beams at me.
Another first, he acknowledges, but I have no idea what hes talking about.
I have no clean clothes in here. I am filled with sudden panic, and considering what Ive just experienced, Im finding the panic overwhelming. His mother! Holy crap. I have no clean clothes, and shes practically walked in on us in flagrante delicto. Perhaps I should stay here.
Oh, no, you dont, Christian threatens. You can wear something of mine. Hes slipped on a white t‑shirt and runs his hand through his just‑fucked hair. In spite of my anxiety, I lose my train of thought. Will I ever get used to looking at this beautiful man?
His beauty is derailing.
Anastasia, you could be wearing a sack and youd look lovely. Please dont worry.
Id like you to meet my mother. Get dressed. Ill just go and calm her down. His mouth presses into a hard line. I will expect you in that room in five minutes, otherwise Ill come and drag you out of here myself in whatever youre wearing. My t‑shirts are in this drawer.
My shirts are in the closet. Help yourself. He eyes me speculatively for a moment, then leaves the room.
Holy shit. Christians mother. This is so much more than I bargained for. Perhaps meeting her will help put a little part of the jigsaw in place. Might help me understand why Christian is the way he is Suddenly, I want to meet her. I pull my shirt off the floor, and Im pleased to discover that it has survived the night well with hardly any creases. I find my blue bra under the bed and dress quickly. But if theres one thing I hate, its not wearing clean panties. I rifle through Christians chest of drawers and come across his boxer briefs.
After pulling on a pair of tight gray Calvin Kleins, I tug on my jeans and my Converse.
Grabbing my jacket, I dash into the bathroom and stare at my too‑bright eyes, my flushed face and my hair! Holy crap just‑fucked pigtails do not suit me either. I hunt in the vanity unit for a brush and find a comb. It will have to do. A ponytail is the only answer. I despair at my clothes. Maybe I should take Christian up on his offer of clothes.
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My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word ho. I ignore her. Struggling into my jacket, pleased that the cuffs cover the tell‑tale patterns from his tie, I take a last anxious glance at myself in the mirror. This will have to do. I make my way into the main living room.
Here she is. Christian stands from where hes lounging on the couch.
His expression is warm and appreciative. The sandy‑haired woman beside him turns and beams at me, a full megawatt smile. She stands too. Shes impeccably attired in a camel‑colored fine knit sweater dress with matching shoes. She looks groomed, elegant, beautiful, and inside I die a little, knowing I look such a mess.
Mother, this is Anastasia Steele. Anastasia, this is Grace Trevelyan‑Grey. Dr. Trevelyan‑Grey holds her hand out to me. T for Trevelyan?
What a pleasure to meet you, she murmurs. If Im not mistaken, there is wonder and maybe stunned relief in her voice and a warm glow in her hazel eyes. I grasp her hand, and I cant help but smile, returning her warmth.
Dr. Trevelyan‑Grey, I murmur.
Call me Grace, she grins, and Christian frowns. I am usually Dr. Trevelyan, and Mrs. Grey is my mother‑in‑law. She winks. So how did you two meet? She looks questioningly at Christian, unable to hide her curiosity.
Anastasia interviewed me for the student paper at WSU because Im conferring the degrees there this week.
Double crap. Id forgotten that.
So you are graduating this week? Grace asks.
Yes.
My cell phone starts ringing. Kate, I bet.
Excuse me. Its in the kitchen. I wander over and lean across the breakfast bar, not checking the number.
Kate.
Dios mio! Ana! Holy crap, its José. He sounds desperate. Where are you? Ive been trying to contact you. I need to see you, to apologize for my behavior on Friday. Why havent you returned my calls?
Look José, nows not a good time. I glance anxiously over at Christian whos watching me intently, his face impassive as he murmurs something to his mom. I turn my back to him.
Where are you? Kate is being so evasive, he whines.
Im in Seattle.
What are you doing in Seattle? Are you with him?
José, Ill call you later. I cant talk to you now. I hang up.
I walk as nonchalantly back to Christian and his mother. Grace is in full flow.
And Elliot called to say you were around I havent seen you for two weeks, darling.
Did he now? Christian murmurs, gazing at me, his expression unreadable.
I thought we might have lunch together, but I can see you have other plans, and I dont want to interrupt your day. She gathers up her long cream coat and turns to him, offering him her cheek. He kisses her briefly, sweetly. She doesnt touch him.
I have to drive Anastasia back to Portland.
Of course, darling. Anastasia, its been such a pleasure. I do hope we meet again. She holds her hand out to me, her eyes glowing, and we shake.
Taylor appears from where?
Mrs. Grey? he asks.
Thank you, Taylor. He escorts her from the room and through the double doors to the foyer. Taylor was here the whole time? How long has he been here? Where has he been?
Christian glares at me.
So the photographer called?
Crap.
Yes.
What did he want?
Just to apologize, you know for Friday.
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Christian narrows his eyes.
I see, he says simply.
Taylor reappears.
Mr. Grey, theres an issue with the Darfur shipment. Christian nods curtly at him.
Charlie Tango back at Boeing Field?
Yes sir.
Taylor nods at me.
Miss Steele.
I smile tentatively back at him, and he turns and leaves.
Does he live here? Taylor?
Yes. His tone is clipped. What is his problem?
Christian heads over to the kitchen and picks up his BlackBerry, scrolling through some emails, I assume. His mouth presses in a hard line, and he makes a call.
Ros, whats the issue? he snaps. He listens, watching me, gray eyes speculative, as I stand in the middle of the huge room wondering what to do with myself, feeling extraordinarily self‑conscious and out of place.
Im not having either crew put at risk. No, cancel Well air drop instead Good. He hangs up. The warmth in his eyes has disappeared. He looks forbidding, and with one quick glance at me, he heads into his study and returns a moment later.
This is the contract. Read it, and well discuss it next weekend. May I suggest you do some research, so you know whats involved. He pauses. Thats if you agree, and I really hope you do. He adds, his tone softer, anxious.
Research?
Youll be amazed what you can find on the Internet, he murmurs.
Internet! I dont have access to a computer, only Kates laptop, and I couldnt use Claytons, not for this sort of research surely?
What is it? he asks, cocking his head to one side.
I dont have a computer. Ill see if I can use Kates laptop. He hands me a manila envelope.
Im sure I can err, lend you one. Grab your things, well drive back to Portland and grab some lunch on the way. I need to dress.
Ill just make a call, I murmur. I just want to hear Kates voice. He frowns.
The photographer? His jaw clenches, and his eyes burn. I blink at him. I dont like to share, Miss Steele. Remember that. His quiet, chilling tone is a warning, and with one long, cold look at me, he heads back to the bedroom.
Holy crap. I just wanted to call Kate, I want to call after him, but his sudden aloofness has left me paralyzed. What happened to the generous, relaxed, smiling man who was making love to me not half an hour ago?
Ready? Christian asks as we stand by the double doors to the foyer.
I nod uncertainly. Hes resumed his distant, polite, uptight persona, his mask back up and on show. Hes carrying a leather messenger bag. Why does he need that? Perhaps hes staying in Portland, and then I remember graduation. Oh yes hell be there on Thursday.
Hes wearing a black leather jacket. He certainly doesnt look like the multi‑multi million‑aire, billionaire, what‑ever‑aire, in these clothes. He looks like a boy from the wrong side of the tracks, maybe a badly behaved rock star or a catwalk model. I sigh inwardly, wishing I had a tenth of his poise. Hes so calm and controlled. I frown, recalling his outburst about José Well, he seems to be.
Taylor is hovering in the background.
Tomorrow then, he says to Taylor who nods.
Yes sir. Which car are you taking, sir?
He looks down at me briefly.
The R8.
Safe trip, Mr. Grey. Miss Steele. Taylor looks kindly at me, though perhaps theres a hint of pity hidden in the depths of his eyes.
No doubt he thinks Ive succumbed to Mr. Greys dubious sexual habits. Not yet, just his exceptional sexual habits, or perhaps sex is like that for everyone. I frown at the thought. I have no comparison, and I cant ask Kate. Thats something I am going to have to address with Christian. Its perfectly natural that I should talk to someone and I cant talk to him if he is so open one minute and so standoffish the next.
Taylor holds the door open for us and ushers us through. Christian summons the elevator. What is it, Anastasia? he asks. How does he know Im chewing something over in my mind? He reaches up and pulls my chin.
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Stop biting your lip, or I will fuck you in the elevator, and I dont care who gets in with us.
I blush, but theres a hint of a smile around his lips, finally his mood seems to be shifting.Christian, I have a problem.
Oh? I have his full attention.
The elevator arrives. We walk in, and Christian presses the button marked G.
Well, I flush. How to say this? I need to talk to Kate. Ive so many questions about sex, and youre too involved. If you want me to do all these things, how do I know? I pause, struggling to find the right words. I just dont have any terms of reference. He rolls his eyes at me.
Talk to her if you must. He sounds exasperated. Make sure she doesnt mention anything to Elliot.
I bristle at his insinuation. Kate isnt like that.
She wouldnt do that, and I wouldnt tell you anything she tells me about Elliot if she were to tell me anything, I add quickly.
Well, the difference is that I dont want to know about his sex life, Christian murmurs dryly. Elliots a nosy bastard. But only about what weve done so far, he warns.
Shed probably have my balls if she knew what I wanted to do to you, he adds so softly Im not sure Im supposed to hear it.
Okay, I agree readily, smiling up at him, relieved. The thought of Kate with Christians balls is not something I want to dwell on.
His lip quirks up at me, and he shakes his head.
The sooner I have your submission the better, and we can stop all this, he murmurs.
Stop all what?
You, defying me. He reaches down and cups my chin and plants a swift, sweet kiss on my lips as the doors to the elevator open. He grabs my hand and leads me into the underground garage.
Me, defying him how?
Beside the elevator, I can see the black 4x4 Audi, but its the sleek, black sporty number that blips open and lights up when he points the key fob at it. Its one of those cars that should have a very leggy blonde, wearing nothing but a sash, sprawled across the hood.
Nice car, I murmur dryly.
He glances up and grins.
I know, he says, and for a split second, sweet, young, carefree Christian is back. It warms my heart. Hes so excited. Boys and their toys. I roll my eyes at him but cant stifle my smile. He opens the door for me and I climb in. Whoa its low. He moves round the car with easy grace and folds his long frame elegantly in beside me. How does he do that?
So what sort of car is this?
Its an Audi R8 Spyder. Its a lovely day, we can take the top down. Theres a baseball cap in there. In fact there should be two. He points to the glove box. And sunglasses if you want them.
He starts the ignition, and the engine roars behind us. He places his bag in the space behind our seats, presses a button, and the roof slowly reclines. With the flick of a switch, Bruce Springsteen surrounds us.
Gotta love Bruce, he grins at me and eases the car out of the parking space, and up the steep ramp where we pause for the barrier.
Then were out into the bright Seattle May morning. I reach into the glove box and retrieve the baseball caps. The Mariners. He likes baseball? I pass him a cap, and he puts it on. I pass my ponytail through the back of mine and pull the peak down low.
People stare at us as we drive through the streets. For a moment, I think its at him
and then a very paranoid part thinks everyone is looking at me because they know what Ive been doing during the last twelve hours, but finally, I realize its the car. Christian seems oblivious, lost in thought.
The traffic is light and were soon on the I‑5 heading south, the wind sweeping over our heads. Bruce is singing about being on fire and his desire. How apt. I flush as I listen to the words. Christian glances at me. Hes got his Ray‑Bans on so I cant see what hes thinking. His mouth twitches slightly, and he reaches across and places his hand on my knee, squeezing gently. My breath hitches.
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Hungry? he asks.
Not for food.
Not particularly.
His mouth tightens into that hard line.
You must eat, Anastasia, he chides. I know a great place near Olympia. Well stop there. He squeezes my knee again, and then returns his hand to the steering wheel as he puts his foot down on the gas. Im pressed into the back of my seat. Boy this car can move.
The restaurant is small and intimate, a wooden chalet in the middle of a forest. The décor is rustic: random chairs and tables with gingham tablecloths, wild flowers in little vases. Cuisine Sauvage, it boasts above the door.
Ive not been here for a while. We dont get a choice they cook whatever theyve caught or gathered. He raises his eyebrows in mock horror, and I have to laugh. The waitress takes our drinks order. She flushes when she sees Christian, avoiding eye contact with him, hiding under her long blonde bangs. She likes him! Its not just me!
Two glasses of the Pinot Grigio, Christian says with a voice of authority. I purse my lips, exasperated.
What? he snaps.
I wanted a Diet Coke, I whisper.
His gray eyes narrow, and he shakes his head.
The Pinot Grigio heres a decent wine, it will go well with the meal, whatever we get. He says patiently.
Whatever we get?
Yes. He smiles, his dazzling, head cocked to one side smile, and my stomach pole vaults over my spleen. I cant help but reflect his glorious smile back at him.
My mother liked you, he says dryly.
Really? His words make me flush with pleasure.
Oh yes. Shes always thought I was gay.
My mouth drops open, and I remember that question from the interview. Oh no.
Why did she think you were gay? I whisper.
Because shes never seen me with a girl.
Oh not even one of the fifteen?
He smiles.
You remembered. No, none of the fifteen.
Oh.
You know, Anastasia, its been a weekend of firsts for me, too, he says quietly.
It has?
Ive never slept with anyone, never had sex in my bed, never flown a girl in Charlie Tango, never introduced a woman to my mother. What are you doing to me? His eyes burn, their intensity takes my breath away.
The waitress arrives with our glasses of wine, and I immediately take a quick sip. Is he opening up or just making a casual observation?
Ive really enjoyed this weekend, I murmur. He narrows his eyes at me again.
Stop biting that lip, he growls. Me too, he adds.
Whats vanilla sex? I ask, if anything to distract myself from the intense, burning, sexy look hes giving me. He laughs.
Just straightforward sex, Anastasia. No toys, no added extras. He shrugs. You know well actually you dont, but thats what it means.
Oh. I thought it was chocolate fudge brownie sex that we had, with a cherry on the top. But hey, what do I know?
The waitress brings us soup. We both stare at it rather dubiously.
Nettle soup, the waitress informs us before turning and flouncing back into the kitchen. I dont think she likes to be ignored by Christian. I take a tentative taste. Its delicious.
Christian and I look up at each other at the same time with relief. I giggle, and he cocks his head to one side.
Thats a lovely sound, he murmurs.
Why have you never had vanilla sex before? Have you always done err, what youve done? I ask, intrigued.
He nods slowly.
Sort of. His voice is wary. He frowns for a moment and seems to be engaged in some kind of internal struggle. Then he glances up, a decision made. One of my mothers friends seduced me when I was fifteen.
Oh. Holy shit thats young!
She had very particular tastes. I was her submissive for six years. He shrugs.
Oh. My brain has frozen, stunned into inactivity by this admission.
So I do know what it involves, Anastasia. His eyes glow with insight.
I stare at him, unable to articulate anything even my subconscious is silent.
I didnt really have a run‑of‑the‑mill introduction to sex. Curiosity kicks in big time.
So you never dated anyone at college?
No. He shakes his head to emphasize the point.
The waitress takes our plates, interrupting us for a moment.
Why? I ask when shes gone.
He smiles sardonically.
Do you really want to know?
Yes.
I didnt want to. She was all I wanted, needed. And besides, shed have beaten the shit out of me. He smiles fondly at the memory.
Oh, this is way too much information but I want more.
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So if she was a friend of your mothers, how old was she? He smirks.
Old enough to know better.
Do you still see her?
Yes.
Do you still err? I flush.
No. He shakes his head and smiles indulgently at me. Shes a very good friend.
Oh. Does your mother know?
He gives me a dont‑be‑stupid stare.
Of course not.
The waitress returns with venison, but my appetite has vanished. What a revelation.
Christian the submissive Holy shit. I take a large slug of Pinot Grigio hes right, of course, its delicious. Jeez, all these revelations, its so much to think about. I need time to process this, when Im on my own, not when Im distracted by his presence. Hes so overwhelming, so Alpha Male, and now hes thrown this bombshell into the equation. He knows what its like.
But it cant have been full time? Im confused.
Well, it was, though I didnt see her all the time. It was difficult. After all, I was still at school and then at college. Eat up, Anastasia.
Im really not hungry, Christian. I am reeling from your disclosure.
His expression hardens.
Eat, he says quietly, too quietly.
I stare at him. This man sexually abused as an adolescent his tone is so threatening.
Give me a moment, I mutter quietly. He blinks a couple of times.
Okay, he murmurs, and he continues with his meal.
This is what it will be like if I sign, him ordering me around. I frown. Do I want this?
Reaching for my knife and fork, I tentatively cut into the venison. Its very tasty.
Is this what our err relationship will be like? I whisper. You, ordering me around? I cant quite bring myself to look at him.
Yes, he murmurs.
I see.
And whats more, youll want me to, he adds, his voice low.
I sincerely doubt that. I slice another piece of venison, holding it against my mouth.
Its a big step, I murmur and eat.
It is. He closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them, they are wide and grave.
Anastasia, you have to go with your gut. Do the research, read the contract Im happy to discuss any aspect. Ill be in Portland until Friday if you want to talk about it before then. His words are coming at me in a rush. Call me maybe we can have dinner say, Wednesday? I really want to make this work. In fact, Ive never wanted anything as much as I want this to work.
His burning sincerity, his longing, is reflected in his eyes. This is fundamentally what I dont grasp. Why me? Why not one of the fifteen? Oh no Will that be me a number?
Sixteen of many?
What happened to the fifteen? I blurt.
He raises his eyebrows in surprise, then looks resigned, shaking his head.
Various things, but it boils down to, he pauses, struggling to find the words I think.
Incompatibility. He shrugs.
And you think that I might be compatible with you?
Yes.
So youre not seeing any of them anymore?
No, Anastasia, Im not. I am monogamous in my relationships. Oh this is news.
I see.
Do the research, Anastasia.
I put my knife and fork down. I cannot eat any more.
Thats it? Thats all youre going to eat?
I nod. He scowls at me but chooses not to say anything. I breathe a small sigh of relief.
My stomach is churning with all this new information, and Im feeling a little lightheaded from the wine. I watch as he devours everything on his plate. He eats like a horse. He must work out to stay in such great shape. The memory of the way his PJs hung from his hips comes unbidden to my mind. The image is totally distracting. I squirm uncomfortably. He glances up at me, and I blush.
Id give anything to know what youre thinking right at this moment, he murmurs.
I blush further.
He smiles a wicked smile at me.
I can guess, he teases softly.
Im glad you cant read my mind.
Your mind, no, Anastasia, but your body that Ive got to know quite well since yesterday. His voice is suggestive. How does he switch so quickly from one mood to the next? Hes so mercurial Its hard to keep up.
He motions for the waitress and asks for the check. Once hes paid, he stands and holds out his hand.
Come. Taking my hand in his, he leads me back to the car. This contact, flesh to flesh, its what is so unexpected from him, normal, intimate. I cant reconcile this ordinary, tender gesture with what he wants to do in that room The Red Room of Pain.
We are quiet on the drive from Olympia to Vancouver, both lost in our own thoughts.
When he parks outside my apartment, its five in the evening. The lights are on Kate is at home. Packing, no doubt, unless Elliot is still there. He switches off the engine, and I realize Im going to have to leave him.
Do you want to come in? I ask. I dont want him to go. I want to prolong our time together.
No. I have work to do, he says simply, gazing at me, his expression unfathomable.
I stare down at my hands, as I knot my fingers together. Suddenly I feel emotional.
Hes leaving. Reaching over, he takes one of my hands and slowly pulls it to his mouth, tenderly kissing the back of my hand, such an old fashioned, sweet gesture. My heart leaps into my mouth.
Thank you for this weekend, Anastasia. Its been the best. Wednesday? Ill pick you up from work, from wherever? he says softly.
Wednesday, I whisper.
He kisses my hand again and places it back in my lap. He climbs out, comes round to my side, and opens the passenger door. Why do I feel suddenly bereft? A lump forms in my throat. I must not let him see me like this. Fixing a smile on my face, I clamber out of the car and head up the path, knowing I have to face Kate, dreading facing Kate. I turn and gaze at him midway. Chin up Steele, I chide myself.
Oh by the way, Im wearing your underwear. I give him a small smile and pull up the waistband of the boxer briefs Im wearing so he can see. Christians mouth drops open, shocked. What a great reaction. My mood shifts immediately, and I sashay into the house, part of me wanting to jump and punch the air. YES! My inner goddess is thrilled.
Kate is in the living area packing up her books into crates.
Youre back. Wheres Christian? How are you? Her voice is fevered, anxious, and she bounds up to me, grabbing my shoulders, minutely analyzing my face before Ive even said hello.
Crap I have to deal with Kates persistence and tenacity, and Im in possession of a legal signed document saying I cant talk. Its not a healthy mix.
Well how was it? I couldnt stop thinking about you, after Elliot left, that is. She grins mischievously.
I cant help but smile at her concern and her burning curiosity, but suddenly I feel shy.
I blush. It was very private. All of it. Seeing and knowing what Christian has to hide. But I have to give her some details, because she wont leave me alone until I do.
It was good, Kate. Very good, I think, I say quietly, trying to hide my embarrassed tell‑all smile.
You think?
Ive got nothing to compare it to, do I? I shrug apologetically.
Did he make you come?
Holy crap. Shes so blunt. I go scarlet.
Yes, I mumble, exasperated.
Kate pulls me to the couch and we sit. She clasps my hands.
That is good. Kate looks at me in disbelief. It was your first time. Wow, Christian must really know what hes doing.
Oh Kate, if only you knew.
My first time was horrid, she continues, making a sad comedy face.
Oh? This has me interested, something shes never divulged before.
Yes, Steve Paton. High school, dickless jock. She shudders. He was rough. I wasnt ready. We were both drunk. You know typical teenage post‑prom disaster. Ugh
it took me months before I decided to have another go. And not with him, the gutless wonder. I was too young. You were right to wait.
Kate, that sounds awful.
Kate looks wistful.
Yeah, took almost a year to have my first orgasm through penetrative sex and here you are first time?
I nod shyly. My inner goddess sits in the lotus position looking serene except for the sly, self‑congratulatory smile on her face.
Im glad you lost it to someone who knows their ass from their elbow. She winks at me. So when are you seeing him again?
Wednesday. Were having dinner.
So you still like him?
Yes. But I dont know about the future.
Why?
Hes complicated, Kate. You know he inhabits a very different world to mine. Great excuse. Believable too. Much better than hes got a Red Room of Pain, and he wants to make me his sex slave.
Oh please, dont let this be about money, Ana. Elliot said its very unusual for Christian to date anyone.
Did he? My voice hitches up several octaves.
Too obvious, Steele! My subconscious glares at me, wagging her long skinny finger, then morphs into the scales of justice to remind me he could sue if I disclose too much.
Ha whats he going to do take all my money? I must remember to Google penalties for breaching a non‑disclosure agreement while Im doing the rest of my research. Its like Ive been given a school assignment. Maybe Ill be graded. I flush, remembering my A for this mornings bath experiment.
