I got out of bed and pulled on my pants. What is it, Mr. Yorrity?
I have a message for you, sir. Lady said it was urgent.
I opened the door. He was a small man in a threadbare bathrobe. His hair was a sleep-frizzed cloud around his head. In one hand he held a piece of paper.
What lady?
Ellen Dockerty.
I thanked him for his trouble and closed the door. I unfolded the paper and read the message.
Sadie came out of the bathroom, still clutching the sheet. Her eyes were wide and frightened. What is it?
Theres been an accident, I said. Vince Knowles rolled his pickup truck outside of town. Mike Coslaw and Bobbi Jill were with him. Mike was thrown clear. He has a broken arm. Bobbi Jill has a nasty cut on her face, but Ellie says shes okay otherwise.
Vince?
I thought of the way everyone said Vince droveas if there were no tomorrow. Now there wasnt. Not for him. Hes dead, Sadie.
Her mouth dropped open. He cant be! Hes only eighteen years old!
I know.
The sheet fell free of her relaxing arms and puddled around her feet. She put her hands over her face.
14
My revised version of Twelve Angry Men was canceled. What took its place was Death of a Student, a play in three acts: the viewing at the funeral parlor, the service at Grace Methodist Church, the graveside service at West Hill Cemetery. This mournful show was attended by the whole town, or near enough to make no difference.
The parents and Vinces stunned kid sister starred at the viewing, sitting in folding chairs beside the coffin. When I approached them with Sadie at my side, Mrs. Knowles rose and put her arms around me. I was almost overwhelmed by the odors of White Shoulders perfume and Yodora antiperspirant.
You changed his life, she whispered in my ear. He told me so. For the first time he made his grades, because he wanted to act.
Mrs. Knowles, Im so, so sorry, I said. Then a terrible thought crossed my mind and I hugged her tighter, as if hugging could make it go away: Maybe its the butterfly effect. Maybe Vince is dead because I came to Jodie.
The coffin was flanked by photomontages of Vinces too-brief life. On an easel in front of it, all by itself, was a picture of him in his Of Mice and Men costume and that battered old felt hat from props. His ratty, intelligent face peered out from beneath. Vince really hadnt been much of an actor, but that photo caught him wearing an absolutely perfect wiseass smile. Sadie began to sob, and I knew why. Life turns on a dime. Sometimes toward us, but more often it spins away, flirting and flashing as it goes: so long, honey, it was good while it lasted, wasnt it?
And Jodie was goodgood for me. In Derry I was an outsider, but Jodie was home. Heres home: the smell of the sage and the way the hills flush orange with Indian blanket in the summer. The faint taste of tobacco on Sadies tongue and the squeak of the oiled wood floorboards in my homeroom. Ellie Dockerty caring enough to send us a message in the middle of the night, perhaps so we could get back to town undiscovered, probably just so wed know. The nearly suffocating mixture of perfume and deodorant as Mrs. Knowles hugged me. Mike putting his armthe one not buried in a castaround me at the cemetery, then pressing his face against my shoulder until he could get himself under control again. The ugly red slash on Bobbi Jills face is home, too, and thinking that unless she had plastic surgery (which her family could not afford), it would leave a scar that would remind her for the rest of her life of how she had seen a boy from just down the road dead at the side of the road, his head mostly torn off his shoulders. Home is the black armband that Sadie wore, that I wore, that the whole faculty wore for a week after. And Al Stevens posting Vinces photo in the window of his diner. And Jimmy LaDues tears as he stood up in front of the whole school and dedicated the undefeated season to Vince Knowles.
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Other things, too. People saying howdy on the street, people giving me a wave from their cars, Al Stevens taking Sadie and me to the table at the back that he had started calling our table, playing cribbage on Friday afternoons in the teachers room with Danny Laverty for a penny a point, arguing with elderly Miss Mayer about who gave the better newscast, Chet Huntley and David Brinkley, or Walter Cronkite. My street, my shotgun house, getting used to using a typewriter again. Having a best girl and getting S&H Green Stamps with my groceries and real butter on my movie popcorn.
Home is watching the moon rise over the open, sleeping land and having someone you can call to the window, so you can look together. Home is where you dance with others, and dancing is life.
15
The Year of Our Lord 1961 was winding down. On a drizzly day about two weeks before Christmas, I came into my house after school, once more bundled into my rawhide ranch coat, and heard the phone ringing.
This is Ivy Templeton, a woman said. You probly dont even remember me, do you?
I remember you very well, Miz Templeton.
I dunno why I even bothered to call, that goddam ten bucks is long since spent. Just somethin about you stuck in my head. Rosette, too. She calls you the man who cotched my ball.
Youre moving out, Miz Templeton?
Thats one hunderd percent goddam right. My mamas comin up from Mozelle tomorrow in the truck.
Dont you have a car? Or did it break down?
Cars runnin okay for a junker, but Harry aint goan be ridin in it. Or drivin it ever again. He was workin one of those goddam Manpower jobs last month. Fell in a ditch and a gravel truck run over him while it was backin up. Broke his spine.
I closed my eyes and saw the smashed remains of Vinces truck being hauled down Main Street behind the wrecker from Gogies Sunoco. Blood all over the inside of the cracked windshield. Im sorry to hear that, Miz Templeton.
He goan live but he aint never goan walk again. He goan sit in a wheelchair and pee in a bag, thats what he goan do. But first hes goan ride down Mozelle in the back of my mamas truck. Well steal the mattress outn the bedroom for him to lay on. Be like takin your dog on vacation, wont it?
She started to cry.
Im runnin out on two months back rent, but that dont confront me none. You know what does confront me, Mr. Puddentane, Ask Me Again and Ill Tell You the Same? I got thirty-five goddam dollars and thats the end of it. Goddam asshole Harry, if he couldve kep his feet I wouldnt be in this fix. I thought I was in one before, but now looka this!
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There was a long, watery snork in my ear.
You know what? The mailman been givin me the glad eye, and I think for twenty dollars Id roll him a fuck on the goddam livin room floor. If the goddam neighbors across the street couldnt watch us while we us goin at it. Cant very well take him in the bedroom, can I? Thats where my brokeback husband is. She rasped out a laugh. Tell you what, why dont you come on over in your fancy convertible? Take me to a motel sommers. Spend a little extra, get one with a settin-room. Rosette can watch TV and Ill roll you a fuck. You looked like you us doing okay.
I said nothing. Id just had an idea that was as bright as a flashbulb.
If the goddam neighbors across the street couldnt watch us goin at it.
There was a man I was supposed to be watching for. Besides Oswald himself, that was. A man whose name also happened to be George, and who was going to become Oswalds only friend.
Dont trust him, Al had written in his notes.
You there, Mr. Puddentane? No? If not, fuck you and goodb
Dont hang up, Miz Templeton. Suppose I were to pay your back rent and throw in a hundred bucks on top of that? It was far more than I needed to pay for what I wanted, but I had it and she needed it.
Mister, right now Id do you with my father watchin for two hundred bucks.
You dont have to do me at all, Miz Templeton. All you have to do is meet me in that parking lot at the end of the street. And bring me something.
16
It was dark by the time I got to the parking lot of the Montgomery Ward warehouse, and the rain had started to thicken a little, the way it does when its trying to be sleet. That doesnt happen often in the hill country south of Dallas, but sometimes isnt never. I hoped I could make it back to Jodie without sliding off the road.
Ivy was sitting behind the wheel of a sad old sedan with rusty rocker panels and a cracked rear window. She got into my Ford and immediately leaned toward the heater vent, which was going full blast. She was wearing two flannel shirts instead of a coat, and shivering.
Feels good. That Chevs coldern a witchs tit. Heaters bust. You bring the money, Mr. Puddentane?
I gave her an envelope. She opened it and riffled through some of the twenties that had been sitting on the top shelf of my closet ever since Id collected on my World Series bet at Faith Financial over a year before. She lifted her substantial bottom off the seat, shoved the envelope into the back pocket of her jeans, then fumbled in the breast pocket of the shirt closer to her body. She brought out a key and slapped it into my hand.
That do you?
It did me very well. Its a dupe, right?
Just like you told me. I had it made at the hardware store on McLaren Street. Why you want a key to that glorified shithouse? For two hundred, you could rent it for four months.
Ive got my reasons. Tell me about the neighbors across the street. The ones that could watch you and the mailman doing it on the living room floor.
She shifted uneasily and pulled her shirts a little closer across her equally substantial bosom. I was just jokin about that.
I know. I didnt, and I didnt care. I just want to know if the neighbors can really see into your living room.
Course they can, and I could see into theirs, if they didnt have curtains. Which I woulda bought for our place, could I afford em. When it comes to privacy, we all might as well be livin outside. I spose I coulda put up burlap, scavenged it from right over thereshe pointed to the trash bins lined up against the east side of the warehousebut it looks so slutty.
The neighbors with the view live at what? Twenty-seven-oh-four?
Twenty-seven-oh-six. It used to be Slider Burnett n his fambly, but they moved out just after Halloween. He was a substitute rodeo clown, do you believe it? Who knew there was such a job? Now its some fella named Hazzard and his two kids and I think his mother. Rosette wont play with the kids, says theyre dirty. Which is a newsflash comin from that little pigpen. Ole grammy tries to talk and it comes out all mush. Side of her face wont move. Dunno what help she can be to him, draggin around like she does. If I get like that, just shoot me. Eeee, doggies! She shook her head. Tell you one thing, they wont be there long. No one stays on Cedes Street. Got a cigarette? I had to give em up. When you cant afford a quarter for fags, thats when you know for sure youre on your goddam uppers.
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I dont smoke.
She shrugged. What the hell. I can afford my own now, cant I? Im goddam rich. You aint married, are you?
No.
Got a girlfriend, though. I can smell perfume on this side of the car. The nice stuff.
That made me smile. Yes, Ive got a girlfriend.
Good for you. Does she know youre sneakin around the south side of Fort Worth after dark, doin funny business?
I said nothing, but sometimes thats answer enough.
Nev mind. Thats between you n her. Im warm now, so Ill go on back. If its still rainy n cold like this tomorrow, I dont know what were goan do about Harry in the back of my mas truck. She looked at me, smiling. When I was a kid I used to think I was gonna grow up to be Kim Novak. Now Rosette, she thinks shes goan replace Darlene on the Mouseketeers. Hidey-fuckin-ho.
She started to open the door and I said, Wait.
I raked the crap out of my pocketsLife Savers, Kleenex, a book of matches Sadie had tucked in there, notes for a freshman English test I meant to give before the Christmas breakand then gave her the ranch coat. Take this.
I aint takin your goddam coat! She looked shocked.
Ive got another one at home. I didnt, but I could buy one, and that was more than she could do.
Whatm I gonna tell Harry? That I found it under a goddam cabbage leaf?
I grinned. Tell him you rolled the mailman a fuck and bought it with the proceeds. Whats he going to do, chase you down the driveway and beat you up?
She laughed, a harsh rainbird caw that was strangely charming. And took the coat.
Regards to Rosette, I said. Tell her Ill see her in her dreams.
She stopped smiling. I hope not, mister. That one she had about you was a nightmare. Bout screamed the house down, she did. Woke me out of a dead sleep at two in the morning. She said the man who cotched her ball had a monster in the backseat of his car, and she was afraid it would eat her up. Scared the life out of me, she did, screamin like that.
Did the monster have a name? Of course it did.
She said it was a jimla. Probly meant a jinny, like in those stories about Aladdin and the Seven Veils. Anyway, I gotta go. You take care of yourself.
You too, Ivy. Merry Christmas.
She cawed her rainbird laugh again. Almost forgot about that. You have one, too. Dont forget to give your girl a present.
She trotted to her old car with my coather coat, nowthrown over her shoulders. I never saw her again.
17
The rain only froze on the bridges, and I knew from my other lifethe one in New Englandto be careful on those, but it was still a long drive back to Jodie. I had no more than put the water on for a cup of tea when the phone rang. This time it was Sadie.
Ive been trying to get you since suppertime to ask you about Coach Bormans Christmas Eve bash. It starts at three. Ill go if you want to take me, because then we can get away early. Say weve got dinner reservations at The Saddle, or something. I need to RSVP, though.
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I saw my own invitation lying next to my typewriter, and felt a little twinge of guilt. It had been there for three days, and I hadnt even opened it.
Do you want to go? I asked.
I wouldnt mind making an appearance. There was a pause. Where have you been all this time?
Fort Worth. I almost added, Christmas shopping. But I didnt. The only thing Id bought in Fort Worth was some information. And a housekey.
Were you shopping?
Again I had to fight not to lie. I Sadie, I really cant say.
There was a long, long pause. I found myself wishing I smoked. Probably I had developed a contact addiction. God knew I was smoking by proxy all day, every day. The teachers room was a constant blue haze.
Is it a woman, George? Another woman? Or am I being nosy?
Well, there was Ivy, but that wasnt the kind of woman she was talking about.
In the woman department, theres only you.
Another of those long, long pauses. In the world, Sadie could move carelessly; in her head, she never did. At last she said, You know a lot about me, things I never thought I could tell anyone, but I know almost nothing about you. I guess I just realized that. Sadie can be stupid, George, cant she?
Youre not stupid. And one thing you do know is that I love you.
Yes She sounded doubtful. I remembered the bad dream Id had that night at the Candlewood Bungalows, and the caution Id seen in her face when I told her I didnt remember it. Was that same look on her face now? Or perhaps an expression a little deeper than mere caution?
Sadie? Are we all right?
Yes. Sounding a little more sure now. Sure we are. Except for Coachs party. What do you want to do about it? Remember that the whole darn School Department will be there, and most of them will be drunk on their fannies by the time Mrs. Coach puts on the buffet.
Lets go, I said, too heartily. Party down and kick out the jams.
Kick out the what?
Have some fun. Thats all I meant. Well pop in for an hour, maybe an hour and a half, then pop back out. Dinner at The Saddle. That work for you?
Fine. We were like a couple negotiating for a second date after the first one had been inconclusive. Well enjoy ourselves.
I thought about Ivy Templeton smelling the ghost of Sadies perfume and asking if my girl knew I was sneaking around south Fort Worth after dark, doing funny business. I thought about Deke Simmons saying there was one person who deserved to know the truth about where Id been and what Id done. But was I going to tell Sadie Id killed Frank Dunning in cold blood so he wouldnt murder his wife and three of his four children? That I had come to Texas to prevent an assassination and change the course of history? That I knew I could do that because I came from a future where we could have been IMing this conversation via computer?
Sadie, this is going to work out. I promise you that.
Again she said, Fine. Then she said, Ill see you tomorrow, George, in school. And hung up, very gently and politely.
I held the telephone in my hand for several seconds, staring straight ahead at nothing. A rattling began on the windows facing my backyard. The rain had turned to sleet after all.
CHAPTER 16
1
Coach Bormans Christmas Eve bash was a bust, and the ghost of Vince Knowles wasnt the only reason. On the twenty-first, Bobbi Jill Allnut got tired of looking at that red slash running all the way down the left side of her face to the jawline and took a bunch of her mothers sleeping pills. She didnt die, but she spent two nights in Parkland Memorial, the hospital where both the president and the presidents assassin would expire, unless I changed things. There are probably closer hospitals in 2011almost certainly in Kileen, maybe even in Round Hillbut not during my one year of full-time teaching at DCHS.
Dinner at The Saddle wasnt so hot, either. The place was packed and convivial with pre-Christmas cheer, but Sadie refused dessert and asked to go home early. She said she had a headache. I didnt believe her.
The New Years Eve dance at Bountiful Grange No. 7 was a little better. There was a band from Austin called The Jokers, and they were really laying it down. Sadie and I danced beneath sagging nets filled with balloons until our feet were sore. At midnight The Jokers swung into a Ventures-style version of Auld Lang Syne, and the bands lead man shouted May all your dreams come true in nineteen hundred and sixty-two!
The balloons drifted down around us. I kissed Sadie and wished her a happy New Year as we waltzed, but although she had been gay and laughing all evening, I felt no smile on her lips. And a happy New Year to you too, George. Could I have a glass of punch? Im very thirsty.
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There was a long line at the spiked punch bowl, a shorter one at the unspiked version. I ladled the mixture of pink lemonade and ginger ale into a Dixie cup, but when I brought it back to where she had been standing, Sadie was gone.
Think she went out for some air, champ, Carl Jacoby said. He was one of the high schools four shop teachers, and probably the best, but I wouldnt have let him within two hundred yards of a power tool that night.
I checked the smokers clustered under the fire escape. Sadie wasnt among them. I walked to the Sunliner. She was sitting in the passenger seat with her voluminous skirts billowing all the way up to the dashboard. God knows how many petticoats she was wearing. She was smoking and crying.
I got in and tried to take her in my arms. Sadie, what is it? What is it, hon? As if I didnt know. As if I hadnt known for some time.
Nothing. Crying harder. Ive got my period, thats all. Take me home.
It was only three miles, but that seemed like a very long drive. We didnt talk. I turned into her driveway and cut the motor. She had stopped crying, but she still didnt say anything. Neither did I. Some silences can be comfortable. This one felt deadly.
She took her Winstons out of her handbag, looked at them, and put them back. The snick of the catch was very loud. She looked at me. Her hair was a dark cloud surrounding the white oval of her face. Is there anything you want to tell me, George?
What I wanted to tell her more than anything was that my name wasnt George. I had come to dislike that name. Almost to hate it.
Two things. The first is that I love you. The second is that Im not doing anything Im ashamed of. Oh, and two-A: nothing youd be ashamed of.
Good. Thats good. And I love you, George. But Im going to tell you something, if youll listen.
Ill always listen. But she was scaring me.
Everything can stay the same for now. While Im still married to John Clayton, even if its just on paper and was never properly consummated in the first place, there are things I dont feel I have the right to ask you or of you.
Sadie
She put her fingers to my lips. For now. But I wont ever allow another man to put a broom in the bed. Do you understand me?
She put a quick kiss where her fingers had been, then dashed up the walk to her door, fumbling for her key.
That was how 1962 started for the man who called himself George Amberson.
2
New Years Day dawned cold and clear, with the forecaster on the Morning Farm Report threatening freezing mist in the lowlands. I had stowed the two bugged lamps in my garage. I put one of them in my car and drove to Fort Worth. I thought if there was ever a day when the raggedy-ass carnival on Mercedes Street would be shut down, it was this one. I was right. It was as silent as well, as silent as the Tracker mausoleum, when Id dragged Frank Dunnings body into it. Overturned trikes and a few toys lay in balding front yards. Some party-boy had left a larger toya monstrous old Mercuryparked beside his porch. The car doors were still open. There were a few sad, leftover crepe streamers on the unpaved hardpan of the street, and a lot of beer cansmostly Lone Starin the gutters.
I glanced across at 2706 and saw no one looking out the large front window, but Ivy had been right: anyone standing there would have a perfect line of sight into the living room of 2703.
I parked on the concrete strips that passed for a driveway as if I had every right to be at the former home of the unlucky Templeton family. I got my lamp and a brand-new toolbox and went to the front door. I had a bad moment when the key refused to work, but it was just new. When I wetted it with some saliva and jiggled it a little, it turned and I went in.
There were four rooms if you counted the bathroom, visible through a door that hung open on one working hinge. The biggest was a combined living room and kitchen. The other two were bedrooms. In the larger one, there was no mattress on the bed. I remembered Ivy saying Be like takin your dog on vacation, wont it? In the smaller one, Rosette had drawn Crayola girls on walls where the plaster was decaying and the lathing showed through. They were all wearing green jumpers and big black shoes. They had out-of-proportion pigtails as long as their legs, and many were kicking soccer balls. One had a Miss America tiara perched on her hair and a big old red-lipstick smile. The house still smelled faintly of whatever fried meat Ivy had cooked for their final meal before going back to Mozelle to live with her mama, her little hellion, and her brokeback husband.
This was where Lee and Marina would begin the American phase of their marriage. Theyd make love in the bigger of the two bedrooms, and he would beat her there. It was where Lee would lie awake after long days putting together storm doors and wondering why the hell he wasnt famous. Hadnt he tried? Hadnt he tried hard?
And in the living room, with its hilly up-and-down floor and its threadbare bile-green carpet, Lee would first meet the man I wasnt supposed to trust, the one that accounted for most if not all of the doubts Al had held onto about Oswalds role as the lone gunman. That mans name was George de Mohrenschildt, and I wanted very much to hear what he and Oswald had to say to each other.
There was an old bureau on the side of the main room that was closest to the kitchen. The drawers were a jumble of mismatched silverware and crappy cooking utensils. I pulled the bureau away from the wall and saw an electrical socket. Excellent. I put the lamp on top of the bureau and plugged it in. I knew someone might live here awhile before the Oswalds moved in, but I didnt think anyone would be apt to take the Leaning Lamp of Pisa when they decamped. If they did, I had a backup unit in my garage.
I drilled a hole through the wall to the outside with my smallest bit, pushed the bureau back into place, and tried the lamp. It worked fine. I packed up and left the house, being careful to lock the door behind me. Then I drove back to Jodie.
Sadie called and asked me if I would like to come over and have some supper. Just coldcuts, she said, but there was poundcake for dessert, if I cared for some. I went over. The dessert was as wonderful as ever, but things werent the same. Because she was right. There was a broom in the bed. Like the jimla Rosette had seen in the back of my car, it was invisible but it was there. Invisible or not, it cast a shadow.
3
Sometimes a man and a woman reach a crossroads and linger there, reluctant to take either way, knowing the wrong choice will mean the end and knowing theres so much worth saving. Thats the way it was with Sadie and me during that unrelenting gray winter of 1962. We still went out to dinner once or twice a week, and we still went to the Candlewood Bungalows on the occasional Saturday night. Sadie enjoyed sex, and that was one of the things that kept us together.
On three occasions we shapped hops together. Donald Bellingham was always the DJ, and sooner or later wed be asked to reprise our first Lindy Hop. The kids always clapped and whistled when we did. Not out of politeness, either. They were authentically wowed, and some of them started to learn the moves themselves.
Were we pleased? Sure, because imitation really is the most sincere form of flattery. But we were never as good as that first time, never so intuitively smooth. Sadies grace wavered. Once she missed her grip on a flyaway and would have gone sprawling if there hadnt been a couple of husky football players with quick reflexes standing nearby. She laughed it off, but I could see the embarrassment on her face. And the reproach. As if it had been my fault. Which in a way, it was.
There was bound to be a blow-up. It would have come sooner than it did, if not for the Jodie Jamboree. That was our greening, a chance to linger a little and think things over before we were forced into a decision neither of us wanted to make.
4
Ellen Dockerty came to me in February and asked me two things: first, would I please reconsider and sign a contract for the 6263 school year, and second, would I please direct the junior-senior play again, since last years had been such a smash hit. I refused both requests, not without a tug of pain.
If its your book, youd have all summer to work on it, she coaxed.
It wouldnt be long enough, I said, although at that point I didnt give Shit One about The Murder Place.
Sadie Dunhill says she doesnt believe you care a fig for that novel.
It was an insight she hadnt shared with me. It shook me, but I tried not to show it. El, Sadie doesnt know everything.
The play, then. At least do the play. As long as it doesnt involve nudity, Ill back anything you choose. Given the current composition of the schoolboard, and the fact that I myself only have a two-year contract as principal, thats a mighty big promise. You can dedicate it to Vince Knowles, if you like.
Vince has already had a football season dedicated to his memory, Ellie. I think thats enough.
She went away, beaten.
The second request came from Mike Coslaw, who would be graduating in June and told me he intended to declare a theater major at college. But Id really like to do one more play here. With you, Mr. Amberson. Because you showed me the way.
Unlike Ellie Dockerty, he accepted the excuse about my bogus novel without question, which made me feel bad. Terrible, really. For a man who didnt like to liewho had seen his marriage collapse because of all the ones hed heard from his I-can-stop-whenever-I-want wifeI was certainly telling a passel of them, as we said in my Jodie days.
I walked Mike out to the student parking lot where his prize possession was parked (an old Buick sedan with fenderskirts), and asked him how his arm felt now that the cast was off. He said it was fine, and he was sure hed be set for football practice this coming summer. Although, he said, if I got cut, it wouldnt break my heart. Then maybe I could do some community theater as well as school stuff. I want to learn everythingset design, lighting, even costumes. He laughed. Peoplell start callin me queer.
