III. Explain how you can understand that youve fallen in love.
IV. Read the interview of Catherine Johnson condensed from Lucky in Love, learn the words below, and be ready to discuss the main points of the text.
Secrets of Lasting Love
I interviewed 100 couples from across the country, ranging in age from their 20s to their 80s. The shortest marriage was seven years old; the longest-married couple had celebrated their 55th anniversary. Regardless of length, however, I heard similar things over and over again, common threads that have kept the marriages successful. Here are eight characteristics these couples share.
1. Happy couples felt at home with each other from the start. They felt a sweeping sense of connection, of shared values. Sometimes this sense of fit was sexual; sometimes it was emotional; frequently it was both.
This rapport includes a delicate balance of friendship, which is based in sameness, and passion, which is based in difference. The tension creates and sustains a vital marriage.
One wife offered an interesting perspective. Happy marriages, she told me, come from two people who are opposite in personality but identical in background.
2. Happy couples share routines and dreams. One partner makes the morning coffee, one walks the dog, both read the paper over breakfast. Routines in and of themselves do not produce happiness, but they instill confidence and trust in the natural existence of the marriage.
From these day-to-day comforts, happy couples can move to the deeper realm of shared dreams. They strive to be more than just the Wilsons; they work together to become some kind of Wilsons - the Wilsons-who-bought-their-own-ranch or the Wilsons-who-run-their-own-business. Whatever the content, working together to make a dream come true makes a couple glow.
3. Happy couples dont hold a grunge. Many of the couples I spoke to rarely quarrel at all. But when a conflict arises, they become angry, storm about and then move on.
A capacity for resolution was the common thread running through these couples lives. How they resolved arguments varied enormously. Some partners set a policy of never going to bed angry; one couple told me they always went to bed angry, in order to sleep it off. Some couples shouted; some sulked. Some couples dealt with issue as they arose; others would let a problem go for days until they felt the time was right to address it.
4. Happy couples look for the best. Couples thrive when spouses focus on what is good and true in the other. That doesnt mean both need to be optimists. I interviewed many couples in which one partner was chronically anxious, quick-tempered or depressed. But the marriage held strong in the face of these temperaments because the partner did not focus his or her dark thoughts on the mate. In spite of the anxiety, anger or sadness a troubled spouse might harbor within, each believe in the other.
Positive expectations exert a tremendous force. The married people I talked to had learned to see the best, develop the best, expect the best in their spouses.
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5. Happy couples learn to change. Most couples told me they had changed a great deal throughout the course of their marriages. All felt they had changed for better and their mates agreed.
This is an important finding, because it offers hope to those spouses who despair of anything important changing between them. A surprisingly large number of the very happy couples had experienced a crisis in the relationship. A good quarter of them had thought of leaving their spouses. Some had actually packed their bags and gone. The marriages survived and flourished because one or both partners changed whatever it was about himself or herself that was causing conflict in the relationship.
It is not a good idea to go into marriage hoping that your partner will change. But the fact is that people do change. They cannot help but change. A good marriage helps people change for the better.
6. Happy couples understand the importance of sex. We are often told that sex is not what a good marriage is about. A good marriage rests upon friendship, respect, commitment qualities that endure when passion wanes. Nonetheless, scratch the surface calm of these marriages and frequently a strong and vibrant sexuality, a clear sexual chemistry, soon reveals itself. Their love is fundamentally sexual whatever the frequency and intensity of their encounters.
For most of the couples I interviewed, being faithful was not what made happy, it was what made marriage possible. Marital fidelity was the Of course, the basic requirement. The notion of an open marriage held neither logic nor appeal for them.
7. Happy couples do not struggle for the upper hand. By the time they reached their late 40s, the spouses I interviewed were not vying with each other for dominance, if they ever had. There were conflicts, of course, but they were not about power and status.
When it came to changing diapers or earning money, most older couples were divided along traditional sex lines but they were untroubled by this division. Regardless of the contribution made, the efforts of each were viewed as equally important within the household.
The equal standing of happily married couples revealed itself most clearly in their handling of finances. Without exception, every happy couple reported that the money was theirs not his or hers. They experienced no power struggles over financial matters.
8. Happy couples usually describe their mate as their best friend. By best friend they meant much what the rest of us mean when we speak of a same-sex best friend. These husbands and wives simply liked each other above all others. They spent large amounts of time together, talking, working on their home, pursuing joint hobbies. Whatever they wanted to do with their lives, they wanted to do together.
In this respect, happy spouses support each other; have faith in each other even when one thinks the other is wrong.
rapport close relationship or sympathy
vital relating to the duration of life
capacity for resolution ability to resolve, to calm, to regulate smth.
sulk be in a bad temper and show this by refusing to talk
exert put forth, bring into use
endure bear, withstand the ravages of time
marital fidelity faithfulness in marriage
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Vocabulary tasks
I. There are many words that can be used instead of husband and wife. Four other words (expressions) are used in the text. What are they? Is there any difference in meaning between them?
II. Translate into English:
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LOVING means feeling love, warmly affectionate. It describes a deep and sincere feeling, not necessarily displayed to be seen.
E.g. a loving and supporting husband; a loving daughter.
AFFECTIONATE expresses full affections, tenderness; shows that you love someone, especially by touching and kissing them.
E.g. affectionate to his sister; she is sweet and affectionate.
DOTING means showing a lot of love towards someone, especially someone younger; very often foolish and excessively fond, blind. It stresses the speakers negative attitude, even stronger than the word fond when the latter is used attributively. Doting is not used predicatively. E.g. doting parents.
FOND means affectionate and tender; in an overly indulging way; it describes someone who is enjoying someones companionship; it shows someones self-centered love; foolish credulous. E.g. A fond mother spoils her child. Absence makes the heart fonder. He is fond of music/books, etc.
DEVOTED means very loving and loyal and faithful towards someone; zealous or ardent in loyalty or affection. E.g. a devoted friend; she is devoted to her husband.
All the synonyms also mean expressing love in the way described above.
E.g. a loving act; an affectionate embrace; a fond look; devoted wooing; doting eyes.
